Mondo
Welcome to Sunnyside
- Joined
- Mar 1, 2008
- Messages
- 1,992
- MBTI Type
- EsTP
- Enneagram
- 6w7
First thoughts: to appreciate your world, you have to be honest with yourself, that's the first step. If you don't think you're a "very likable person", self-confidence in any area is only a facade you're putting up for yourself. You have to deconstruct those barriers to be able to reconstruct your foundation of self-appreciation before anything else. Just admit that you're not confident and try processing those negative feeligns without sinking into depression. Why do you clinge to past grievance? What is it that you can't handle? What attributes are you missing, and how can you be better in them? After this, you can start rethinking your inner world, which may temporarily screw up your outer facade. If you don't feel like it, don't try to be the center of the party until you've resolved these conflicts in yourself, try to handle them in a mature and responsible way instead, that is very attractive in itself, I find.
Try to find the situations where you hurt someone or where you're annoyed and break them down in all honesty, they might tell you a lot more about yourself than about the people you're criticizing. Nosce te ipsum. Why didn't the relationship work? What do you have to change? Don't be afraid to ask for help from an outsider, your friends or a counselor or whatever. Appreciate the lessons you've learned instead of pointing out her behavior before parting ways. You might have many "friends", but are they there for you in times of trouble? Start building up meaningful relationships by being honestly curious, imagine everybody as a single microcosm to be explored, struggling with their pasts, just like you.
Don't ask the girl about her reasons, try to find a way to contact her again, and if she declines, let it go. There are tons of reasons for her behavior. She's the guest in your world and you're the gift she has to obtain, not vice versa.
It is, if you're an introvert. You might want to reconsider your type.
Interesting advice. I'll take that into consideration.
As for the "introvert" thing, the thing is that I'm not saying I'm going to isolate myself from the world but that I'm willing to sacrifice emotional intimacy, if it will likely cause my well-being to be worse. There's more to socializing than finding a partner. I don't think I'd be happy being alone for the rest of my life but I think I could be happy not having a partner but having people in my life who don't make me alone...I've been hurt enough times that I really don't see the advantages at the moment. I'm on a career path which will make me relatively well-off financially and I'm good at making connections/friends. I guess I'm also thinking that I could settle for a "trophy wife".