This reminds me of the confrontation youbats have with Mr.Freeze in Batman:Arkham City( it's not a big spoiler if you haven't played it) :when you attack him in a certain way, using certain method he learns and triggers an effect to prevent that attack from happening a second time, so you can never attack him in the same manner again. Yeah, maybe not the best analogy but I think its close enough- your self esteem has the best freaking defense in the world - every mistake and failure is another step forward in your self-seeking journey, every flaw in your character found is an awesome discovery, other people need to protect their esteem like a fortress, yours is a whore house inviting all the enemies in.
Anyway you managed to describe it so well, I almost feel like starting a confrontation with someone lol I'm all like:
Hey, by that reasoning maybe if 4s start one confrontation every day our self-confidence will be off the charts
Yeah, I feel I may have stumbled upon something