I don't know how I did it. I just always remember feeling like my emotions and my mind were separate.
That.
The focus is on the mind.
The self identifies with the mind.
And the self structures reality with the mind.
When that is the basis for one's identity, then emotions (which do not operate "rationally") are not seen as part of self, they are seen as "Other."
And often they are dangerous, because they can lead one to react spontaneously in ways that are not rational or with foreseeable consequences, which makes the future seem dangerous and risky.
So one processes emotions and tries to figure them out -- deconstruct them -- and then act on the KNOWLEDGE of the emotion stimulation rather than the emotion itself.
It is like.. first I think something... and then that makes me cry or get angry or whatever. So if I can not think that thought, I won't feel the emotion...
I don't do the avoidance/repression thing, for me personally that feels dishonest. The emotions exist and must be examined or I'm ignoring part of the honest fabric of reality; they must simply not be the master.
I think until I got better at deciding what to do with the emotions, when I was young, I just kept them inside. As long as I do not vocalize them or act upon them, not until my mind has deconstructed them and figured out the best response, then they are okay to experience internally and try to understand. This resulted in a very large wall between my inner world and the outer world; my manner was very flat, emotionally, and reasoned; and I didn't say much at all in general around people I did not know, to avoid my emotions getting the better of me.
Later it was just suppression, or forcing myself to "drain." A bad emotion came through, I would empty myself of any feeling. It is literally like pulling the plug on a tub of emotion and letting it all drain out. I could feel it go and afterward I was cold, peaceful, at rest, and empty. I do not think this is the best strategy for living but definitely enabled me to survive some painful and impossible situations in my life, which retaining basic emotional clarity.
A trick I learned in late teens / adulthood was "letting go." When a very painful emotion came through, I would force myself to physically relax and let it flow "through me." This crystallized for me once when I was walking in a very brisk winter wind and my whole body was stiff trying to fight off the cold... but once I forced myself to relax and let the cold flow through me, it was so much better, nor was I reacting against the chill, I was merely experiencing it. I practiced this in regard to my emotions too -- to relax, let the emotion permeate and flow through me, and all the angst would vanish and I would just resonate with the emotion without having to act on it. I think this response is a bit better because you still are open to the experience, you just embrace it as part of you instead of trying to fight it, and then the angst that normally results in sporadic behavior where emotions are concerned never actually does come out.
(Of course, you can give yourself over to it too in the way popularized by the Sith in Star Wars, let dark emotion fill and empower you; but that is not what I am describing.)
About Fe.
In my teens, I've tried desperately to belong to the group. I've adapted myself more than I wanted and to no effect - people still bullied me. So I've decided (consciously indeed) to not adapt to group norms any more and see who still liked me.
That's good. I think as long as you are being your natural self -- whether it conforms to group standards or not -- that's healthy. There is still the balance of how to participate meaningfully in a community atmosphere, where individual needs and group needs have to be balanced, but in terms of 'who you are' I think it's important to give people an opportunity to accept or reject the authentic you.
I played that game for many years of trying to have everyone like me by always avoiding any words or actions of potentially negative consequence, and it was foolish now I see. Living is fear is not a good way to live.... and just like you discovered, generally,
the people who will accept you will accept you no matter what, while those who have to be placated and will otherwise reject you never really accepted you in the first place.
It is a false peace and a devil's compromise.
It's better to be yourself from the start, within context of that community.
Anything you build on a false foundation is nothing more than illusion anyway.