When the INFJ and I were alone, I asked her did I seem like I was being too negative and pessimistic. I think her answer is a key difference between NFJ and NFP. The two of us seem to be more acknowledging of road blocks and hindrances not for the sake of complacency but maybe as a way to substantiate that people have very legitimate and real fears or life circumstances that make pursuing a dream difficult. I think by acknowledging those things and creating a plan to eliminate or lessen the severity of those obstacles is a better method that just saying "You can do it!"
I felt like my ENFP coworker was glossing over the fact that when I told her my school debt is not imaginary; I owe money and I don't to add any more debt it wasn't just a matter of me not being determined enough. I'm definitely more realistic than she is and she's admitted she's an eternal optimist. She's good to have around and I like her, it's just that sometimes I feel like if I say my more negative thoughts and feelings with her because I'll get a "buck up sunshine!" She's also a crisis counselor and her natural sunny disposition is great in that line of work...I think there's definitely many places for her attitude towards life.
Perahps you are picking up on a twist of the P/J theme. For you I would guess you use Fe to give structure to your long term plans. So you build them, notice very clearly the emotional/social/disruptive aspects of the plan and then have to identify conciously how to circumvent them, in order to make a stable Fe plan. This is not all roses and candy. Let me know if this sounds at all correct...could be BS.
For me, I will set a long term Te goal and once set I WILL NOT QUIT. For instance going to school as a single mom. My days may be all over the place, moody Fi-ing looniness, silly spasticity, however Te holds me strongly accountable in the longterm. Since it isnt a dom or aux Te though, I have a hard time clearly delineating individual steps. So the goal-finish my BS in biochemistry-driven by Te, but on a daily basis motivated by NeFi curious enthusiasm and emo affirmation maybe? It worked well for undergrad but leaving grad school with an MS was so hard for me-I felt like a horrific drop out.
So your enfp is applying what will work with an enfp onto an ENFJ and it doesn't translate well?
NFPs, do you ever feel like you are just too idealistic? That your standards and values are too hard on other people? How do you turn off the idealistic switch in your head, and do you come to terms with the reality that the way the world/life works is rarely comparable to your own ideals of how it should be?
yes. I dont usually voice it though. Proteo mentioned her boss, who would whine that "I walked up fifteen hills in the snow...." sort of stuff. Sometimes I find myself doing this in my head. If I can accomplish something by working hard and devoting my time, why cant this other person. But almost immediately I quell the thought as I recognize I dont understand thier life or what complications they have so I cannot judge them. I think this is a gut Te thing as well.
Te is cruel and unforgiving. It holds me and everyone around me to high standards and lets me clearly know where I have failed. It is the voice in the back of my head when I want to quit that says "suck up and get back to it".
Fi is the forgiveness factor above that allows other people leniancy, if you are not horrific I will have some level of Fi automatic caring for you. I get no leniancy personally though.
However when involving hurting others both Fi and Te step up and can be very harsh and critical to others. It suprises me when others are very unaware of how thier actions affect others around them and inflict harm. When I see this I have to spend some time thinking on how they could not see what they do. Once I understand thier weaknesses/blind spots I can forgive them very easily.
Maybe this is why enfps feel we have to understand others. Te has exceptionally high standards but Fi has exceptional forgiveness for others. By understanding the other person as much as possible, it allows us to calibrate our response-our standards-to their actions and respond accordingly and not be overly idealistic. We understand how they differ and accept them fully, embracing those differences and forgiving as slights they may inflict.
Does this sound nuts?