Lark,
This question is derived from a spiritual concern that might arise if one were to let their guard down with a sexual partner. It's a seemingly simple situation, but whoever responds saying that it's not a big deal, doesn't in my opinion, realize just how deep a statement they are making about themselves with each sexual experience. Though I agree, that someone might not believe that sex is a completely transcendent experience, and that sex itself is not a transcendent experience, unless done in such a way that one does wish to unveil themselves completely to another....to say that it is a mutual satisfaction of a strong physical need I think is an excuse....it is definitely a mutual satisfaction of a strong physical need but if that is all it is, then it is on it's way to becoming a source of self satisfaction, where the other is slowly becoming obsolete.
I'll say more on the subject, gotta go now
LOL.
Why does someone else's experience have to coincide with your own theoretical value set in order to be valid and valuable?
I love my husband of 18 years very deeply. He is the only partner I have ever had and I am his. He is an amazing person and the biggest blessing of my life and I respect, admire, and adore him.
I am one of those people that almost never lives in the moment and just enjoys the physical experience. I'm always thinking about what happens next and what the implications of things are, practically, theoretically, philosophically.
Sex is really the only time I can shut my frigging, pesty brain off and just enjoy physically feeling. That is absolutely invaluable to me and I thank God for it.
I work towards pleasing my husband on a daily basis. I think about him in virtually every decision I make. I've made it my life mission to learn to read him and how to best love him in a way that is meaningful to him.
Now I am a spiritual person but I don't make a big differentiation between the spiritual and the mundane. That which is done in love, whether it's wiping a baby's poopy butt or cooking someone's favorite meal, or holding someone while praying for them and comforting them, or feeling the awe of nature or feeling that Presence in church -- to me, all spiritual and all mundane. All good and wonderful.
So is sex a spiritual experience? To me, not any more than anything else is. It's a precious, private, special experience, but -- to me -- not magical or mystical. It is really intense and feels amazing and personally, only something I do with my life-mate. It's one of the best things in life.
But, hell, you are probably going to do it thousands of times in your life. It's just one component of life and one component of a relationship. How you treat your partner during a disagreement -- to me -- is more an indicator of your love for them than whether you have some kind of mystical experience during sex.
Does that mean that I don't think it can't be a spiritual experience for others? I admit that I think it's possible they are confusing an oxytocin rush for something mystical, but who is to say, really? Frankly I have no right to say someone else's experience is not valid and real.
You asked for people's input on this subject and then when you got answers that didn't match your own, you decide that those are 'wrong answers.' You can't dictate other people's feelings, including those of a lover. You can't even dictate your own feelings, really. You can influence them or repress them or displace them, but feelings pretty much just are. They stand on their own merit.
What I would suggest, is that if you are very heavily invested in the spiritual side of sex, you need to spend a lot of time getting to know a partner in advance. You need to talk about what sex means to each of you and what your expectations are. You need to share spiritual experiences together that don't involve sex -- before you have sex with someone. And then, when you do, don't try to dictate their experience or their feelings. Just let them experience it in a way that is meaningful to them whilst you do the same.