On loneliness. Before one can begin to discuss loneliness one must establish general features of human nature that give rise to loneliness. Given that I haven't the time at the moment to establish empirical proofs for each statement I'm about to say, I ask that readers assume these axiomatic statements as self-evident so that I can spend the bulk of this essay discussing loneliness. The first axiom is that humans are social creatures. Second, humans are productive animals. Third, humans are complex creatures.
Because humans are social creatures, there exists a drive towards socializing with other humans--especially when there are shared interests. On the other hand, because humans are productive animals there is an insatiable drive to create. Much of this is driven by attraction between the sexes. I agree with Orson Welles when he states that if it weren't for women, men would still be squatting in a cave eating raw meat. Correctly, it is primarily through attraction that humans are driven to produce. For example, it would not be uncommon for a young man in a romantic relationship to work very hard, be well kept, and be a genuine breadwinner. But if that young man breaks up and is on his own, suddenly he has no incentive to keep his car tidy, gets behind on certain things, and so on. Thus, the sublimation of sex and aggression into productive outlets is primarily responsible for civilization.
Thus far I have established that man is a social and productive creature. However, there is another side to the economical nature of man. Since the onset of industrial capitalism there has been a strong division of labor. This can even be spotted in works as far back as Dostoevsky, where he says if you go to see a doctor for a nose infection, he sends you to a specialist in France. The doctor in France then tells you he only does left nostrils and sends you to another specialist. There is a touch of humor in it, but the point is we've become so specialized and good at carrying out little tasks often at the cost of the bigger picture and a more generalist type of knowledge and approach to life. More recently, with the communications and internet revolutions we've become even more specialized--highly effective in carrying out highly specific tasks. For example, it would not be extraordinary for one to go to Walmart and see a person stocking bins, yet upon asking the stockboy if there is a sale on for the bins you learn that he doesn't know. No, his task is merely to stock--not know anything about the product. And indeed at some point this becomes inefficient. Nevertheless, as a result of the commodification of everything and a highly specialized division of labor, humans themselves have become divided in this capitalist system. Robert Putnam has a book called 'Bowling Alone' which is a metaphor for American capitalist culture which is so divided and individualistic. In his book, Putnam discusses a concept called social capital which encompasses three broad components: trust, norms of reciprocity, and networks of engagement. A vibrant civil society is one with a high level of social capital. So for instance, in a library in Sweden, one can go to the washroom without having to worry about someone stealing one's books. This is not the case in a typical library in New York where people are more mistrustful of each other.
Because humans are complex creatures we pursue systems which satisfy certain needs while depriving others. In this case, the economy takes precedence over socialization, and it turns out the economy is a way of socializing. Now, the average person works and goes home--maybe does something in the evenings a few days a week if at all. As a result, work has come to define how humans relate. Not suprisingly, humans don't just relate through production but also through consumption: "let's go out for a latte and some pancakes", "how about dinner at the Keg?", "have you tried the new swifter sweeper?". With that said, capitalism is necessary to generate the wealth and material to satisfy certain needs, but if not controlled it reduces humans to mere cogs in a machine when humans have other drives toward sociability and happiness that this system in its totality does not accommodate to. So what do people, who are increasingly unhappy as a result of alienation, deprivation, and being reduced to a cog-wheel, do? Well, let's look at the evidence. We've witnessed the self-help section in book stores grow exponentially. Many have turned to alcohol and substance abuse for temporary alleviation of their plight, while some blame others.
Yet these are merely band-aid solutions, often doing more harm than good. The reality is that it isn't humans per se to look to but the system within which humans operate. The system that creates incentives for humans to behave in certain ways. The system that depends on the obedience of millions of people who are given small rewards to keep the system going. If they stop obeying, the system fails.
For reasons already mentioned, the capitalist system has had a fragmenting effect on humanity. Adding to this is technology--especially the Internet--which has contributed to globalization and localization at the same time. Indeed, technology has shrunk time and space. For example, it is not uncommon for one to be closer to someone across the world with shared interests than their own next door neighbour.
In summary, I have established that humans are social, productive, and complex beings. As a result of the complexity and inherent contradictions in human nature (to have drives which under certain conditions lead to the opposition of the other) we've adopted a system (or had a system imposed on us depending on one's point of view) which has by and large reduced the individual to a mere cog-wheel turning in capitalist machinery. The upshot is that persons like the original poster experience a feeling of loneliness. Two points should be made. First, that this loneliness is nothing to be ashamed of. I know I am lonely sometimes (even though I'm somewhat of a loner, which for me has often amounted to abstaining from group participation). Still, I understand this as antithetical to the human drive toward sociability. Second, the structural factors that are built into the system are primarily responsible for this loneliness. As a result, it is important to be conscious of these factors and realize how the system alienates people and reduces people to human resources--mere units of production. What's needed isn't more capitalism, but stronger democratic institutions and more social capital which is the glue of civil society. More forums for participation, more mediums for expression, more corridors for people to participate in decisions that affect them, and so forth.