I am starting to think my older boy (13) is an ISTJ. I often feel bad for him because his dad, his three siblings, and I all appear to be INs. It's like he's being raised by wolves or something.
He doesn't like to learn just for the sake of learning. He will learn all kinds of detailed stuff and remember it all if it has a practical application (video games for instance), but if it doesn't, then it has no value.
He doesn't want to go anywhere or do anything like go to see a movie or just hang out. He wants to stay home and play video games.
He does pretty well in school because he's smart and he usually likes to complete things once he's started them.
Following rules is important to him. He tries to make sure that he knows the rules and he likes to point out when other people are not following the rules.
His sense of humor is really goofy and he often doesn't know when to quit once he gets going.
He needles people, won't stop when asked, then gets his feelings hurt when they get angry with him.
He is a little Eeorish, but very even tempered. It is very, very rare that he loses his temper.
He has trouble accepting the opinions of others as being valid if they differ from his own.
He is a good boy, liked at school by both students and teachers. He will complain, argue, and try to distract me, but is otherwise pretty obedient (all of our kids are, actually).
Anyway, I feel as though I am not parenting him the way he needs to be parented, but I don't know what I need to do differently.
Suggestions for parenting a late-blooming ISTJ 13 y/o boy being raised among crazy INs (if that is actually his type)?
If I were 13, and I were able to describe the perfect parent, I'd say:
Be approachable, but not overbearing. The more overbearing you are, the less approachable and trustable you are.
Let me know what's expected of me, but be understanding of natural things that I'll want or need to take part in. I want to know my boundaries, but I don't want to feel confined when I have an urge to do something less respectable.
When telling me what to do, or what's expected of me, only supply information and options. I highly value my ability to sift through information and make my own decisions. I got into a fight with my ESFP brother over this when buying a phone. He wanted to go into salesperson mode when all I wanted to know were my options in a "cold, calculating" fashion, so that I could make my own decision swiftly and end the decision making process.
Respect my ability to quickly learn methods and technical things. Most of the time, I just want to be taught how to do something, not patronized for the whole, "it's a mother's role to do this job," such as chores, or anything.
If I ask a lot of questions about something, please listen. I always want information first about something that's happening. If I'm dissecting the crap out of something, and I'm expecting you to partake in the dissecting, at least listen or offer your knowledge, do not tell me to stop over-analyzing. Odds are, I'm sincere about the dissecting.