ExAstrisSpes
New member
- Joined
- Aug 11, 2010
- Messages
- 337
- MBTI Type
- ENFJ
This has become a somewhat common exchange between me and my bf:
Me: "I have feelings for you/I care for you"
Him: "I know - it shows because of X, Y, Z"
Me:
I sense that he has feelings for me and cares for me, but it's not something I want to assume, even though from his perspective it's probably obvious. The relationship is otherwise going really well, but this is one of the communication things that has me puzzled. If he doesn't feel comfortable sharing his feelings verbally with me I don't want to force it (which is why I haven't asked him), but at the same time I feel insecure in the relationship sometimes because I really don't know how he feels for me and I don't feel comfortable assuming.
A mutual friend told me that engineer-types tend to look at every statement as a problem statement, and if a statement isn't a problem then they state why the statement is a true statement, which is how you get this circular conversation of "I have feelings for you", "Yes I know".
So I suppose what I'm getting at is that I'd like some acknowledgment of his emotional attachment but it'd be nice if it was volunteered instead of my asking-if-it-is-the-case (as that seems rude and pushy to me). But I don't know how to illicit that beyond offering my own statement of emotional attachment, which hasn't worked so far (and shows no sign of working in the future).
Me: "I have feelings for you/I care for you"
Him: "I know - it shows because of X, Y, Z"
Me:
I sense that he has feelings for me and cares for me, but it's not something I want to assume, even though from his perspective it's probably obvious. The relationship is otherwise going really well, but this is one of the communication things that has me puzzled. If he doesn't feel comfortable sharing his feelings verbally with me I don't want to force it (which is why I haven't asked him), but at the same time I feel insecure in the relationship sometimes because I really don't know how he feels for me and I don't feel comfortable assuming.
A mutual friend told me that engineer-types tend to look at every statement as a problem statement, and if a statement isn't a problem then they state why the statement is a true statement, which is how you get this circular conversation of "I have feelings for you", "Yes I know".
So I suppose what I'm getting at is that I'd like some acknowledgment of his emotional attachment but it'd be nice if it was volunteered instead of my asking-if-it-is-the-case (as that seems rude and pushy to me). But I don't know how to illicit that beyond offering my own statement of emotional attachment, which hasn't worked so far (and shows no sign of working in the future).