INFJs - Do you suffer from a recurring sense of loneliness and emptiness?
(I'm posting here because I have a high degree of INFJ even though I am mostly INTJ.)
I do, and I don't know how to fix it.
When I feel that way, I feel like it would be so great to have a quiet, private, deep conversation with someone, but I can never think of anyone who I could talk to. I have thought of journaling, but it leaves me feeling empty because I would like a response. I'm not sure if I'm having feelings I haven't identified or dealt with, or what's the matter. Frequently, I feel like I'm on the verge of tears all day long. I only know that I hate going around feeling that way.
What do you do?
I'm not technically INFJ, but by function strength I am. (Ti + Ni + Ne + Fe).
It might not even be MBTI, it could simply be certain traits that interact poorly with an environment in which one felt ignored, neglected, and/or alone and misunderstood.
I'll respond just because I felt this way Saturday night.
Friday night I felt good enough to play music and dance alone around my apartment
Saturday, I should have been even happier. I went out for dinner to a nice place with a large group of friends, then out to social gatherings with them. During dinner, despite being engaged in conversation, I felt very alone.
At the meeting, sitting with someone who I knew understood me, I felt alone.
And going to a club afterwards, being included socially (the people didn't know me WELL, but they immediately made room for me and we were talking and laughing the whole time), I still felt very alone. I finally excused myself and left before most of them. (I found out later they all went out on the dance floor and had a good time after I went. I was happy for them but knew it would not have improved anything.)
Some guy hit on me hard as I passed the bar on my way out (yes, I could have spent the night with someone who "wanted" me even just in a physical way); and I knew even if I accepted, I'd still have felt alone.
So I came home and journaled.
And still felt alone.
Even at other times, when when people correspond deeply with me, I still have felt alone.
Don't ask me. Whatever contact I crave, I can't get it when I'm in that mood, or my need is far greater than anything that a human being can give me. The oddness is that it hurts bad enough that you imagine you might be bleeding to death, yet you won't die. The loneliness endures on some level no matter who is there.
But sometimes I have felt good. (Like Friday night.) I don't know why. There are many possibilities. Some people look at the "HALT" acronym (HUNGRY-ANGRY-LONELY-TIRED) when they feel unsettled. All those things can meld into each other. So maybe resolving physical stress or getting more sleep or getting your blood sugar up helps with the lonelies.
i think part of it is also just unresolvable demands from the world to justify/fortify our existence. If we don't feel safe vocalizing all of our needs, or we feel like no one understands our needs, or we have had to deal with environments where we had to live ghosts and had no real voice or presence in the world, or we didn't feel loved for exactly who we were, well, the loneliness permeates. Many people do not question their existence or their identities so deeply; those who have been forced to might consistently feel lonely. I don't know, hon.
What I do now is try to lose myself in something, whether it is music or nature or whatever else. Or I stop thinking about my existence and try to engage someone else and be there for them. Something to immerse myself in life that occurs outside of who I am, and that detracts from the loneliness. Something that is not passive but more proactive.
If you're going to tie it to INFJ at all, it would probably trigger in part from the insubstantial nature of Ni coupled with the Fe expectations from others that can NEVER be met... while you feel duty-bound and driven to extend yourself to others via Fe. The drive is relentless. The expectations of how people SHOULD treat each other and connect is huge; and you are so prone to be set up for disappointment unless you have a realistic sense of how the world actually functions and aren't expecting people to meet the ideal standards. and yet the independence/autonomy there from INxx means you are separate from others and have to constantly try to meet your standards, even if no one else meets them... and that you do it independently, quietly, and alone.