ChocolateMoose123
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- Oct 4, 2008
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Is there any INFJ's who could shed some light on their interactions with ISTP's?
What have your experiences been?
My roommate from last year is an ISTP. We took a philosophy (ethics) class together, and I think that it served as a good example of our differences. At first, he was interested in the theories, but when he realized that there wasn't a "right" answer, he became very cynical towards it. INFJs live for the idea; ISTPs (in my experience) live for the logical/applicable. If there isn't practical application, it's pointless. When I would start idealizing or talking in concepts, my friend would typically get critical or disinterested.
When it came to day-to-day stuff, he wouldn't open up. We are both introverts, so we weren't in each other's hair (space wasn't a problem), but we also had different "friendship-styles" (if you want to call it that). I usually pursue very personal friendships; he is more of a "let's just have fun" kind of person. I never pushed him, but I always did feel like he was closed off. And I'm fine with that. It's just not what I'm used to.
He was good for me. We did a lot of exercise-related stuff together (running, swimming, racquetballl...). I guess you could say he dragged my S out.
Ultimately, I feel like we don't have very much in common, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. Our goals, values, and interests are very different, but oftentimes, our mutual introversion led us to one-on-one activities that we both got a lot of enjoyment out of.
I'm currently dating an INFJ. I feel like it started off really great. Then, it's like we hit this "wall" suddenly and neither of us are getting anywhere. Unless we are doing something together we don't have much to talk about.
In fairness to him, he's got this incredible genuine warmth that I'm drawn to and it's got me sticking around. I don't know where he stands on issues. What his feelings are about anything really. I feel like he defers to whatever strong opinion is in front of him. I don't know. It's frustrating.
This is spot on and how my experience has been. Especially the bold parts
You mentioned talking about concepts and idealizing. I admit. I don't understand what he's talking about - but I want to understand. When I seek clarification he will brush it off or he'll usually say that he can't speak his thoughts very well. I feel like he's quick to blame himself for me not understanding him. Which annoys me.
I feel like we are so close to unlocking each other but neither of us know what to do to get to that point. I've told him this and he agrees. Is there something I can do to make this easier?
You mentioned talking about concepts and idealizing. I admit. I don't understand what he's talking about - but I want to understand. When I seek clarification he will brush it off or he'll usually say that he can't speak his thoughts very well. I feel like he's quick to blame himself for me not understanding him. Which annoys me.
I feel like we are so close to unlocking each other but neither of us know what to do to get to that point. I've told him this and he agrees. Is there something I can do to make this easier?
Also, a random warning... if you are having deep conversations in the car and he is driving, you may end up getting lost or taking a wrong turn. Or maybe that's just me? o.0
Lemonade is quite possibly right as well that unless an INFJ knows you well, they hate to reveal closely held opinions either because they don't want to be misunderstood or because they know that you feel exactly the opposite.
He says I am "fun and exciting" and "I do things" We both cycle/mountain bike. We have that as common ground. It's actually what bonded us.INFJs generally appreciate people who make them try new things and that is likely part of his attraction to you. What common ground have you found between the two of you?
You can of course, applicable to every INFJ, be a stallion in the bed chamber and put them in a half asleep half awake condition, therefore effectively disabling her to have any deep thoughts at all.
And for the co-driver in the car, who wants to lure you into killing both of you with distracting you from the street by talking, excercising her subconcious deathwish, you ALWAYS need the eject button in your car. ( I can help you on building the apparatus, if you need me )
I think that if you want to get to differences of opinion, that's down the road after he's sure he can trust you and your responses. He likely senses your ambivalence and unless he is sure that you are around for awhile, he's not going to risk conflict. The INFJ expressing difference of opinion is one of the ways you know you are in with an INFJ. I expect you have your own set of gateways and test points. They're just different than his.
If you don't like him in the bedroom and you don't feel you relate well to him personally, what do you guys have going for you as a couple, other than biking?
An NF is a whole different kettle of fish than dealing with an ST and probably will not accept bluntness without at least internally registering hurt or annoyance. Case in point: calling him a crazy driver. Probably already is a sore spot, as he is clumsy (so am I - lack of Se).