oh boy, as much as i try not to be the target to be pushed around and/ or controlled, I always am.
i just started university, and i made a lot of new friends very quickly (which was surprising, but good!!
), but i can see that a lot of the reason they like me is because i am so overly complient and polite ALLL the time. one girl in particular, who i'm pretty sure is a borderline ENFP/ENTP, completely has it over me, and we both know it. as much as i feel like i am in control when i'm on my own, when i'm with others i go along with anything they ask, and i can't go against that. this girl has told me that she's decided she likes me most, and she's made me go and do things with her only, which is starting to alienate me from everyone else (which i don't want to happen). i am soooo passive!!! and she knows it, she's very, very quick, and i know she sees right through me. it bothers me, actually. i rarely have friendships in which i don't feel like i'm a tool or an item to be controlled and used.
i know what i want to say, but it never comes out right, and i end up sounding pathetic under people like this. it bothers me so much. she'll tell me something interesting and important to her, and i'll know what i want to say, but i'll just say (in response to everything) 'oh, that's so cool
.' and i'll be thinking to myself 'you sound like a complete idiot!!!
'
I also find that she doesn't care about me or what i have to say. because i listen carefully to what she says, and she likes it when i respond to what she is talking about. when i try to start a conversation about something i find interesting, i notice that her eyes glaze a bit, she's not emotionally responsive at all, and she quickly shifts the subject back to herself. this is no new phenomenon though, it has happened to me my whole life. all my friendships have been based upon me fuelling other people's wants and needs. when it comes to my own interests and needs, i (used to be) rejected when i asked for others to share in what i wanted to do, and i never even try these days.
for instance, i never ask people to go shopping with me or go see a movie with me, i never throw a party. this is because i feel like people won't show up, or i'll bore them to death. i feel like people see me as an incredibly easy target. i think a lot of my problems result from my Fe, which I HATE. i hate accomadating everyone but myself, and never saying what i really think. this, i believe, is the main reason people think it would be the easiest thing in the world to take advantage of me.
something i just remembered that was interesting.. this ENFP/ENTP girl said to me, after she'd been talking to a shop assistant who really liked her, and was really nice to both of us (i was merely standing there, smiling and nodding) because of how bubbly/ talkative SHE was.
she said exactly what i was thinking, "you know, it's funny; people really like me and i stand out because the spotlight is always on me, but because you're with me, it's on you too."