I tend to appreciate a certain amount of balance when it comes to emotions in relationships. [...]
[...] I totally adapt to the situation and try and provide what I see as needed to maintain a "balance" of emotions. [...]
I think this phenomenon of "balancing" emotions is why some people accuse INFJs of being insincere. You guys sometimes appear to exhibit (and even feel) emotions in counterpoint to the people around you. You appear to wait and see what others feel and then exhibit a contrary degree of emotion (or even a contrary emotion) as though applying your own emotions secondarily and calculatingly to the situation as a corrective.
IOW, Fe and Te are judging functions and serve to evaluate things and bring order to the environment, and usually involve creating some personal and psychological distance as part of the evaluation process. People don't mind Te being used in this fashion, because T is perceived as a "cold" function anyway, and logic can be used to justify practically anything. But on the other hand people may resent Fe being used that same way (i.e., using emotions in counterpoint to create distance and evaluate) because feelings and emotions are supposed to be true and come from the gut and not be used for something "cold" like distancing and evaluation.
But personally, I just lump Te and Fe under the broad heading of "J-ness." Te and Fe both operate much the same way: they temporarily create distance and evaluate. They aren't manipulative in the sense of being deliberately brought into play in order to bring about a desired result; rather they seem to be more of an emotional knee-jerk reaction under predictable circumstances and with predictable results. IOW, it's too automatic to be manipulative, IMO.
When I spot Te and Fe in action, I don't necessarily understand it; I just filter for it by saying to myself, "Oh, that's their J-ness kicking in." I see it as just a neutral thing: Te and Fe people simply do their J function out in the open with much the same result as each other.
Naturally, as an Fi I do the same J function myself
internally: I bring order and create distance between myself and feeling and values internally. Internally, I can be very judgmental, distance myself from strong emotional contexts, make deliberate and even cynical choices about what emotions I will apply to a given situation, or engage in thoughtless knee-jerk prioritization of my values (resulting in harsh disapproval of things that rub me the wrong way or sloppy sentimentalism about things I connect with even casually). But at least I avoid the label of "insincerity" by virtue of hiding that J function and practicing it internally, rather than externally like Fe Judgers.
People consider my Fi emotions to be more sincere than Fe emotions, because people only see the rather uncontrolled end result of my judgment and not the distancing/kneejerk/"insincere" internal judgment itself. On the other hand, since people don't see any judgment function in evidence, they may think INFPs are all emotion and no judgment. People consider INFPs to be at the mercy of their emotions and label us "oversensitive," "needy," "giddy," or "whiny." So in the end, I guess you can't really win with F. When you can't hide behind the label of "logic," then either Fe or Fi is going to have negative ramifications in people's eyes.
Or something like that.