The goods about being with an ENTJ:
May draw you out.
Yeah. I think Es are good for INFJs that way. They can bring out the fun, lighter side of our personalities which is often so very serious.
You'll always know where you are at with him and it would be difficult to inadvertently offend.
I wouldn't totally agree here. You might know where you stand in a general sense based on where they are
emotionally, how they view the relationship, what their expectations are...but you don't necessarily know
emotionally where you stand. ENTJ will not always share this with you (why is it relevant anyways? NTs feel very confident with what they think. Communicating their thoughts is not a problem. However if you make assumptions based on their words solely, you could be wrong. INFJ intuition helps though does not prevent "inadvertently offending." You've got to watch the behavior more than the words since words could be a protective front. They'll NEVER admit to hurt. Although you might figure it out later when they start acting funny in complete contradiction to what they said earlier, "that didn't effect me."
Drawbacks:
- It may feel uncomfortable and awkward for him to discuss things when he does not feel sure about them. That lack of admitting to anything that is not decided and attached to a course of action may make you feel like you are the needy one, when that is not true. It may also make him seem inflexible or arrogant to you because he doesn't often express needing help or advice.
You mean
NEVER expresses need for help or advice.
He may not always acknowledge or stop to think about how his emotions are influencing his actions. This is a realm where he feels less comfortable, may think it's irrelevant, or ignores and so he'll usually avoid it unless there's an urgent reason why he cannot.
This relates to what I stated above. You don't always know where you are with an ENTJ because what he communicates are THOUGHTS. FEELINGS dictate behavior to some extent which he won't acknowledge or doesn't understand. And honestly, an ENTJ often doesn't even know what his feelings are - feelings related to action are outside of conscious awareness. ENTJs see themselves as rational. Certainly their behavior is rational as well. Right?
- Can insist that others not address any issues that make him feel uncomfortable, which makes it difficult sometimes to resolve conflict.
Things that make ENTJs uncomfortable are feelings that they have done something that suggests incompetency, dependency or weakness, anything of a touchy/feeling nature, demands in general, demands of more time, more tenderness, more sex, more patience, more listening which all speak NEEDY to an ENTJ.
You may need to find someone else to do your main venting with and discussion of problems (which we need to do to better clarify our situation to ourselves and choose a course of action). He will want to jump to the solution before hearing what it is that is frustrating you.
Well isn't that a male thing in general. Men are action oriented. They want to fix things ASAP. Men don't want to talk about it except for maybe an INFP.
He may seem domineering or bossy to you after awhile. Don't take it personally.
In my relationship with an ENTP I never took it personally. It was just highly annoying and obnoxious. It wasn't a reflection of myself or my worth. I got tired of fighting battles :steam:when compromise would have been the better and least destructive solution.
The more dispassionately you can state what it is, the better.
This is
HUGH! Do not get emotional. Appeal to logic. Although you run the risk of appearing not logical enough. Don't include too many details or too many possibilities "what if this....what if that..." or "if this happens..." Just "stick to the facts, maam" and the bottom line. Appeal to what it's going to mean for him. What will it look like to him. Is it something he can visualize. Realistic and doable are more important than ideal.
Be forthright about your needs. We feel selfish doing that and would prefer someone to notice what we need, particularly because we try to do the same for them. In this case, you should only give as much as you can do happily without reciprocation and then if you want anything specific, request it. This works much better than taking his lack of reciprocation as a measure of his thoughfulness. He will also appreciate the clearer communication. (Fuzzy communication is annoying and frustrating for the Ts I know). You will need to become more blunt, he may need to become less blunt. You will need to be less accommodating and he will need to become more accommodating.
Unfortunately, the INFJ is more likely to be accomodating in the sense of trying to make the relationship work than the ENTJ. Getting an ENTJ to be more accomodating is extremely difficult unless he can see the benefit to him. Clearer communication means directness and brevity and an appeal to logic.
One thing that I hope will be helpful is that my preference for F over T is relatively small. Back in my early twenties I would occassionally test as INTJ, and looking back I think my preference for Fe really didn't start to show until I was in college. Even then it took me several years to actually recognize that as a preference - I definitely tended to think of myself as a detached and "rational" decision-maker. Turns out I was just really good at rationalizing. Anyway, my point is that even if it's not my preference, it is at least one that I understand pretty well.
Eclare, I think it's good you have that balance of T and F. I actually stradle INFJ/INTJ myself. Even though I'm sensitive and in touch with my feelings, I can still be logical and rational when I choose to communicate in that manner. The difficulty I have with NTs in general is their seemingly inability to compromise or see the other person's perspective. My relationship with them often consists of a battle of the wits, who will win this contest?, who has the most logical argument? I say, who cares. It's not always about being right. That's why I have consciously chosen to develop more of my F side now that I'm older.
Ultimately, I think that the only way to make an ENTJ/INFJ relationship work is that the INFJ has to have enough T (based on MBTI personality results) to be able to adapt to the ENTJ. I don't see the adaptation happening the other way around.