To answer your question, I often felt that when others judged us as being complex when we think excessively over small issues with lots of detailed analytical approach. This usually happends when INFJ tries to protect others or defend ourselves as we usually hated for being misjudged (which is an irony as we also tend to misjudge others at times). Then when things didn't work out the way as we wanted, or things started to become twisted in a negative way which we didn't intend, we tend to blame ourselves by believing ourselves that we are the "problem" and often regrets of our communication style. Well at least for me, I do tend to jump into the conclusion too soon as I lack of the ability to look at the big picture.
I SO relate to this! I don't know if it's quite what you meant but when I am emotionally upset about something, my Ni/Ti goes into overdrive, I start thinking of all these possibilities regarding the situation, what the situation really WAS, what it really MEANT, how many different ways I could have been interpreting it, how many different ways the other person/people could have been interpreting it...repeat like a million times.
And if I get any new information about the situation, I have to resynthesize and tear down and build up again and it gets the whole process going again, and it's all emotionally mixed up too and AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
And the thing is, it's best for me (being INFJ) if I can talk all this out with a trusted friend. But the problem is (and I experienced some of this recently) that even those who I consider close and dear are likely to react by thinking I'm just obsessing. Which I kind of am
but it's kind of a necessary process too...it's not JUST obsessing...it's really something I have to go through...and then when they think I'm obsessing and it's unhealthy and I'm over-reacting and over-analyzing, I feel hurt and misunderstood and then it can be even worse.
There's one thing I wish I can break the bad habit of one of my INFJ common trait: Consistency.
I seriously think that most conflicts happened is when I detect an inconsistency pattern of public statement. This further lead others to think that I'm some what difficult, eventually leads them to think that I've a complex of the smallest details or issues.
Do you mean by this that you get upset about others' inconsistencies? I do too... The problem is sometimes that if it's someone I care about I let too much go in the way of inconsistency, but eventually realise it's really driving me crazy and I can't really trust them because of it... It's true that it's important to remember we're all human and imperfect and we're all inconsistent at least at times. But I've also realised that INFJs are more likely than some types (overall) to make sure that their actions and speech are pretty consistent, and we don't make grand statements or definite statements if we're actually feeling kind of unsure about them. We tend to think things through more than that. Speaking for myself, I have many faults but saying things I totally don't mean is NOT usually one of them. So it can really turn into a big problem if others go on their merry inconsistent way, and they may not understand why it's a big deal for us.
I'm more aware of this now, but I've really had problems in my life and really been hurt because I've paid too much attention to what people are saying, and taken it really seriously, and not realized that their actions ( which I should have focused on above all) weren't really lining up with the words, or indeed were blatantly contradicting them.