Case 4: stressed and depressed INFJ dealing with an emotionally abusive person: *bottles hurt inside until it becomes too much and then explodes and accidentally destroys said person* *feels /really/ bad about it later*
I did this. First, I did a major "door slam" and abruptly ended the relationship to his face. Then, I regretted my reactivity after the fact (I shouldn't have because my reaction was actually quite healthy), and I wanted to work things out. He decided he didn't want to work things out, but kept
taking care of me by talking to me, making me meals, etc. I was so confused (we still lived together). Anytime I tried to talk about it with him, I couldn't get anything out of him more than "I don't want to end up here again in 3 months" and "this isn't healthy." An odd thing to say considering
he was the one who had broken up with me a couple times throughout our relationship. So, my confusion turned into a sense of rejection as I realized that he was dragging me along because he was too cowardly to communicate openly with me (cowardly is mean... he probably just wasn't able to talk about feelings and fears and such yet). That sense of rejection turned into a deep sorrow (I had never been broken up with before and also never loved anyone the way I did him). That sorrow turned into RAGE. I said
the most awful things I have ever said to anyone, and the worst part is I did it on purpose. I completely shocked myself because it was so out of character for me, and I felt like a monster. I did some soul-searching and realized two things; that I was deeply hurt that he wasn't showing any sadness over losing me and our future, and that I was trying to get some sort of reaction out of him. More introspection led me to the conclusion that he just has a very hard time with emotions and he WAS just as hurt as me but didn't show it the same way that I did. I regret everything I said to him and apologized several times and tried to explain why I did it, but the truth is that I probably gave him a whole bunch of emotional baggage that he didn't deserve and I can never take back what I said. This, btw, is why I am such an advocate for men's emotional health. I have seen firsthand a man that I adored struggle with depression, anger, and an inability to express emotions in a healthy way, and it completely broke my heart.
Sorry if I have hijacked this thread with my personal story - I try to be really candid about my darker moments in the hopes that other people who have had similar experiences feel less alienated or perhaps see things from a new angle in a different light.
As for the question by the OP, I suppose it would depend on the individuals and the specific fears at hand. I actually think enneagrams might give you more insight than MBTI. Speaking of general tendencies, I sometimes experience a "push and pull" dynamic, and I often question the intensity/quality/authenticity of love. This can be a rather fleeting thought, or a pervasive Ni-Ti loop that I obsess over if I'm not in a good place. I can get inexplicably moody or irritable at times and just want my space, but I'm never mean (save for the example above). Sometimes I get a tad huffy and might just walk away or go through a short silent-treatment. I don't ever do it on purpose to "punish" my partner, and when I realize what I'm doing which is usually sooner than later, I apologize and communicate my thoughts and feelings. It's cliche for a reason: Communication is
crucial to healthy relationships.