Here is a good article on this from David Deangelo. I deleted out some of the sales pitch stuff and buy links.
What NOT To Say When Approaching Women
A HUGE MISTAKE YOU'RE PROBABLY MAKING RIGHT NOW
WHEN YOU APPROACH WOMEN
Let me ask you something...
When you approach or start talking to a woman
that you're "interested" in, what is your attitude
toward her? How do you treat her? What are you
THINKING ABOUT?
Do you start the interaction by trying to
figure out if she's single?
Do you assume that she probably has a boyfriend
and look for hints that she doesn't?
Do you try to pretend like you're not
interested in her "in that way" and instead try to
be casual about it until you get signals from her?
Do you even THINK about your strategy for how
to talk to a woman at all?
MOST GUYS ARE UNAWARE OF WHAT THEY'RE DOING
Most of us guys are running around doing things
that we're not even AWARE of. Or if we are aware
of what we're DOING, we're NOT aware of what OTHER
people (particularly women) think of our
behaviors.
Also, most of us guys allow others to control
MOST or even all of how we act. Now, we won't
ADMIT that we try to do or say whatever we think
will please a woman, and we won't ADMIT that we're
even mentally anticipating what she's going to
think and acting on it... but it's happening.
And it's happening ALL THE TIME.
In fact, if most of us could just get a
realistic look at how much we're trying to read
women's minds and act in a way that pleases women,
we'd BITCH-SLAP ourselves silly and we'd mentally
yell to ourselves "HEY, WAKE UP!"
Think about the following scenario:
You're out at a bar, and you start talking to
an attractive young woman while trying to order a
drink. And let's even say that she starts the
conversation by commenting on how busy it is and
how many people are in line for a drink.
You're thinking to yourself, "I wonder if she
has a boyfriend... I wonder if she's here with
someone... I wonder how old she is and if she'd
like a guy my age... I wonder if I should buy her
a drink so she'll feel obligated to talk to me and
I can keep her attention... I wonder if I should
just wait and talk to her later..."
Then, you remember that you've been reading my
newsletters and my eBook... and learning from my
Advanced Dating Techniques Series... and you
decide to use some of your new techniques.
So you say, "Hey, do me a favor. I'll let you
go in front of me if you order my drink for me.
All the bar tenders are guys, and they'll give you
more attention than they'll give me, OK? I don't
usually use women just for their bodies this early
on in the relationship, but in this case I'm going
to make an exception".
She laughs.
You think you're on a roll.
You then say, "But I'm not going to let you pay
for it, OK? I don't want you thinking that I'm
easy and that I'll give you my number or come home
with you just because you paid for my drink."
At this point, she turns around and gives you
the "You're a loser" look, and walks away.
Now let's think for a moment about what could
be going on here...
- She might be married
- She might be in a bad mood
- She might be a lesbian (not all that bad,
actually)
- She might be offended
- She might be emotionally unstable
- She might have misheard what you said
- She might have gotten nervous
- She might have thought you were ugly
...or the possibility exists that the technique
you used might have been horrible.
But what do MOST guys typically do in a
situation like this one?
Most guys typically let their emotions take
over and they think, "Well that stuff doesn't
work", and they STOP even trying Cocky & Funny
humor.
WHAT A MISTAKE THIS IS!
A side note: If you're not quite "getting" the
Cocky & Funny humor thing, then you need to LEARN
it. This technique will create more attraction
with women than just about anything else I know.
And here's the best way to learn:
Cocky Comedy
A lot of guys will even try something and have
it WORK for them, then have it NOT WORK just ONCE
and quit using it because they stop believing in
it.
This is a HORRIBLE mistake.
Let me try to say this all a different way...
Out of a random sample of 100 beautiful women,
you'd probably find that only 20 of them (or so)
are:
- Single
- Emotionally Stable
- Able to carry on an interesting conversation
- Not stuck up
- Not psycho
This is just an estimate from my own personal
experience, but I think you get the point.
Now, here's the important part of this
concept...
Let's say that you started talking to all of
these 100 women, one after the other, and you had
to use the same basic attitude and opening with
each of them.
What would you do?
If you treated all of them like they were
probably NOT single, interesting, stable, etc.
(which is the case), then you'd probably scare off
the single ones who were your targets, because
they'd think you were acting strange.
For instance, let's say you started a
conversation with a very attractive woman in her
mid twenties, who was open-minded, funny, and
wasn't concerned with how old the men she dated
were (there are a lot of women out there like
this... I know this for a fact). But let's say
that you were "playing it cool", not saying
anything that might offend or appear "too
forward", and generally treating her like she was
probably married or had a boyfriend. You'd
probably be trying to figure out if she was
single, not really paying attention to what you
were saying, and you might finish up by saying,
"So, can I take you out to dinner sometime?"
And what is this hot, smart, desirable woman
thinking while you're acting like a dork? Right...
she's thinking that you're a dork. Duh.
Now, let's take the flip side.
Stay with me here.
Let's say that you treated ALL of the 100
attractive women like they were AVAILABLE, smart,
interesting, etc.
What would happen?
Well, you'd probably start flirting with them
all right from the beginning, or you'd communicate
very quickly that you weren't just another
friendly guy who wanted to talk about the weather.
And what would happen?
Well, as you can imagine, a lot of the women
who were either unavailable or unable to have a
normal conversation would "reject" you. They just
wouldn't be interested. Their minds would be
closed to the possibility of continuing the
relationship with you, and they would end the
conversation with you in one way or another.
Now, let's go TOTALLY out into space, and
imagine that you were a LAB RAT, and that you had
a bar that you could press. And let's say that 80%
of the time when you pressed it you got shocked,
and 20% of the time you got a treat.
How long would you keep pressing the bar?
And keep in mind that this is a random system.
You can't line up all the shocks (or all the
rejections from women, in the non-rat experiment
that most men live in day-to-day).
You might get 7 shocks in a row at first.
Or you might get 1 treat, then 5 shocks.
Well, for most men, the THOUGHT of being
"rejected" by a woman is worse than a shock for a
lab rat.
So what do we do?
We don't even try.
And we miss the opportunities with all of those
wonderful, single, available women who are out
looking for a man who has the balls to find them.
So what's the solution?
The solution is to use a little technique
called behaving AS IF she's single, available, and
interesting.
You must learn to overcome your initial self-
doubt and your doubts about a woman, and behave AS
IF every woman you start talking to is SINGLE and
AS IF she's going to be THE ONE, MOST INTERESTING
AND WONDERFUL WOMAN EVER.
You must do the things that will attract THAT
woman, and forget about the rest.
And you must learn to NOT take the things that
happen in between meeting the wonderful ones
PERSONALLY.
Gary Halbert, one of the top marketing geniuses
in the world, talks about this principle.
He basically says that out of 100 people
reading your ad or seeing your commercial, maybe
ONE of them is someone who would buy your product
anyway.
SO QUIT TALKING TO ALL OF THE 100 PEOPLE, AND
ONLY TALK TO THE ONE!
In his words: "Don't worry about the DOGS,
concentrate on selling the FOXES".
I like the metaphor.
Talk to the women you meet AS IF they're
single, open, interesting, and wonderful. And
don't worry about the ones that don't turn out to
actually BE single, open, interesting, available,
and wonderful!
Use the things you're learning from me, and
KEEP USING THEM... even if they don't work
sometimes. There are all kinds of reasons why
women aren't interested... or stop being
interested... or whatever.
That doesn't mean that you should stop doing
what works!
...which leads me to my next point.
When you first start talking to a woman, your
BELIEFS about women and dating are CRITICAL.
If you don't know how to use your BODY LANGUAGE
and other communication to INSTANTLY show her that
you're a sexually aware, confident man, then
you'll probably be overlooked and mentally
discounted within SECONDS.
Of course, in order to PROJECT the correct
beliefs that are attractive to women, you must
KNOW WHAT THEY ARE, and UNDERSTAND THEM.
In other words, you can't just "fake" them. You
actually have to have a DEEP understanding of how
women think, and what makes them feel a POWERFUL,
gut-level emotional ATTRACTION for a man.
It's taken me YEARS to figure out this critical
point.
I used to try all kinds of techniques to meet
women.
But when it came down to it, no matter how well
the techniques worked, the women always seemed to
slip away at one point or another, and lose their
interest quickly.
This was because I didn't GET IT.
So one of the things that I try to teach guys
is how to GET IT, and how to show women that they
GET IT.
But "getting it" isn't as easy as it sounds.
You can't learn to be a Black Belt in a martial
art by learning a few techniques. It takes a
DEEPER, more profound understanding.
And you can't learn how to be super-successful
with women by learning a few pick up lines.
It just won't happen that way!
After spending literally YEARS making mistakes,
trying different things, and putting the pieces
together, I've created a systematic way for men to
learn ALL of the various aspects of how to be
successful with women and dating.
<snipped off more sales stuff>