briochick
half-nut member
- Joined
- Dec 14, 2008
- Messages
- 633
- MBTI Type
- eNFP
- Enneagram
- ;)
- Instinctual Variant
- sx
OMG I've had so many people like that in my life! I think there is something about us that makes us seem like easy targets for that shit. I found it interesting how all the INFJs on here said to call her on it like the solution was obvious. Different ways of thinking. It's really hard to do that in practice, especially when you try to say something and they just turn it in your face and you don't know how to respond because your brain doesn't work fast enough.
Yeah, I find it odd that there seem to be a lot of people who feel the need to assert dominance over me. For me dominance within a group is never an issue (wherever I am I am and I don't need to change that) until someone tries to make me change. I'm beginning to wonder if they're indeed intimidated by me and since I don't seem aggressive they think I'm an easy target. So, I'm minding my own business and then suddenly (to me) I'm like somebody just pissed on me didn't they? (figuratively of course) I wish I could come up with witty comebacks but usually I just stare, dumbstruck, amazed that someone would actually have ill intentions toward me, even when they've done it before. Still, I don't think any of them anticipate that I won't submit and it makes them quite angry when I don't. Anyway, thanks for your comment.
Seems to me to be one of two things:
1. she is reacting to your attempt to control the group and make it difficult for her to be incorporated/a part of it.
2. she is jealous or threatened by you.
Either way, she is trying to tear you down through control and inferiority and she is controlling your thoughts and your feelings. Take personal control back - I would do it with unemotional confrontation if I thought it was necessary. I would acknowledge and rectify any part I played in it if that was the case.
I get along with just about everyone and people tend to like me, but I don't give two cents if someone likes me or not. I also have zero desire to control anyone or anything lol. This is not an attitude, it is a way of living. Giving someone power or control over you is a choice.
Thanks for your comments. I would like to note that I have no opinion on whether or not the group accepts her and I don't believe I have enough standing with them to even try and exert control. Though control over other people in general is something I find offensive. It's their choice. I don't like her now because she doesn't like me, but whether or not they like her is entirely up to them.
Also, unless she's psychic I'm pretty sure she's not controlling my thoughts or feelings, though I find it interesting and unsettling that I've worded things in such a way that you feel that she is or that I think she is. Once you are an adult no one controls our thoughts or feelings, you react to others and they may work to bring out those reactions in you or work to draw your thoughts toward something but there is no control over something which the other cannot touch.
Anything without emotion is nearly impossible for me. Note my personality type. I can pretend to be unemotional, or less emotional, for a short period of time but it is difficult. I do care whether or not people like me. I don't know if it's personal preference or personality. I think it goes into the fact that I think all people, and all people's opinions, matter. And, since each person matters I would like them to like me and I'm unhappy when they don't. I will then want to know why and want to know if I can fix it and if I can't what damage control I can do.
I think we INFPs can sometimes come across as submissive and easily pushed around. And sometimes we are!
If you treat her in this way, you will completely come at her from a different angle than what she is expecting. The usual responses would be either ignoring her, attacking her back, or submitting to her. So she probably has a programmed response to those reactions.
From what you have told us, it seems that she is jealous of you, or perceives you as a threat. Like you said, having a frank conversation will probably not do much with her. Sometimes you have to be imaginative to deal with these sort of people. Don't worry, sooner or later your friends will see her for what she is. But in the meantime, let us know if you make any progress with this.
Thanks for your comments. We'll see how things go with her. *scratches head* I'm not usually the best at dealing with conflict, especially when I wasn't the one who started it. I'm much better at apologizing than I am at defending myself. I'll let you all know if any progress is made.