I know of people in my broad social circle who have but did not know them personally.
If there aren't just some irrational influences (drugs, booze, etc.) at work, it's usually the culmination of feeling out of control of one's life and that any attempts to change matters is hopeless. The hopelessness and powerlessness is a big factor; suicide seems to be one of the few options that the person has the power left to choose, whether or not that is entirely accurate. I personally think the feelings of powerlessness come from some sort of fear; it isn't that the person is as powerless as they think, instead they are just unable to accept the things they will risk/lose if they make different decisions. (i.e., you can feel trapped in a marriage even though technically you could leave, because you are terrified of what others might think of you if you're in an environment where divorce is not acceptable and you're afraid to leave, so you feel powerless but unable to continue in the marriage; or you might feel ashamed over not making enough money to provide for your family, even though realistically the economy might be hard and many people need two working spouses to make ends meet. Or you might feel your peers will never accept you as you are, so instead you have to pretend to be something you're not... because their lack of approval is somehow really important to you and you're scared of criticism. Etc.)
I have been through a few spots where I was so much on the edge of ending things for prolonged periods of time that I don't know why I am still here. For me, it was much of the above; I was miserable and didn't feel like I could change things within the constraints I was living under because I was afraid of the outcome and who might get hurt (me and others I cared about), yet couldn't continue as I was, and change is hard enough as it is with a good outcome never assured... so death seemed very "safe and easier" by comparison. To live, I had to change the way I viewed the world and accept a lot of the criticism I had been terrified to accept in the past; but that actually made me stronger in the end. Still, when you are in the middle of it, the agony and depression is excruciating; I understand why people sometimes just choose to cash in.
ayoitsStepho said:
I can't say that I WANTED to die, but I didnt feel like anyone cared and I kept reliving the same crap over and over again. I just wanted change, but wasn't wise enough to realise that I can make my own change.
Totally understand, that's sort of the typical feeling I have from many who wrestle with suicide.
My dad is also an alcoholic (and my mom part of that codependent cycle) so like you I felt very alone and powerless -- I had to take care of myself and never really had "parents," and that brings with it a lack of knowledge of how to change, plus a terror of facing the dark alone. Parents with addictions are trapped themselves in these "dead patterns of behavior" with no change that they permit themselves, so I never had it modeled positively for me how change might be possible while preserving the things you love; in fact, addictive patterns FIGHT change, they stabilize into these oppressive frameworks that lock everyone in the most stable pattern to support the dysfunctionality, so changing it often destabilizes the system. When I changed my life finally, my dad started drinking even MORE heavily and the entire family balance was thrown into an uproar... which is even more pressure on the person struggling with suicide and badly needing to make changes if they are to live.