You guys, it totally works.
Even on the forum. And people like it. Done artfully and skillfully you wouldn't even know it happened to you. All you know is you like a person. It doesn't have to be deep and meaningful.
Think about all the people you come into contact with on a regular basis. People at school or work or church or wherever. This works on levels of familiarity with a person
Acquaintance, associate, companion, friend refer to a person with whom one is in contact. An acquaintance is someone recognized by sight or someone known, though not intimately: a casual acquaintance. An associate is a person who is often in one's company, usually because of some work, enterprise, or pursuit in common: a business associate. A companion is a person who shares one's activities, fate, or condition: a traveling companion; companion in despair. A friend is a person with whom one is on intimate terms and for whom one feels a warm affection: a trusted friend. 3. familiarity, awareness.
Like synarch said this book is about basic likability. The name of the book is How To
WIN Friends And Influence People. You know how you win friends and influence people? You comment on their blog, you compliment them in the picture thread, you leave visitor messages on their profile, you send them a friendship request, you leave them positive reputation comments, you agree with them in a debate, you sympathize with them when they have a problem, you send friendly private messages to each other, you trade witticisms and jokes back and forth in a thread. What exactly do you all think this is? It's not rocket science and you do it all the time yourself. I used forum examples since they're easier to access at the moment. All these things make a person more appealing and endearing to you. This is manipulation. Do you mind though? Probably not.
Maybe I'm drawing the incorrect conclusions about the negative responses towards the book but it seems to me that those who use the methods described are lacking in integrity or something. The whole sincerity vs. manipulation thing; if I tell you I like your shoes I'm trying to manipulate you or I don't mean what I say. Who knows really if the person is sincere or not (just like who knows if the person leaving you that visitor message really thinks you're funny or not), but do you automatically assume what they're saying is an attempt at malicious manipulation?
These are the basic tenets of the book. 95% of it is good solid advice on how to deal with people. Notice how many times the word "sincerely" or "sincere" is used. No one is telling you to lie or be deceitful about anything. Think about if anyone you're friendly with on the forum does any of these things to you or if you do it with anyone else.
From
wiki
Fundamental Techniques in Handling People
- "Don't criticize, condemn or complain."
- "Give honest and sincere appreciation."
- "Arouse in the other person an eager want."
Six Ways to Make People Like You
- "Become genuinely interested in other people."
- "Smile."
- "Remember that a man's name is to him the sweetest and most important sound in any language."
- "Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves."
- "Talk in the terms of the other man's interest."
- "Make the other person feel important and do it sincerely."
Twelve Ways to Win People to Your Way of Thinking
- "Avoid arguments."
- "Show respect for the other person's opinions. Never tell someone they are wrong."
- "If you're wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically."
- "Begin in a friendly way."
- "Start with questions the other person will answer yes to."
- "Let the other person do the talking."
- "Let the other person feel the idea is his/hers."
- "Try honestly to see things from the other person's point of view."
- "Sympathize with the other person."
- "Appeal to noble motives."
- "Dramatize your ideas."
- "Throw down a challenge."
Nine Ways to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment
- "Begin with praise and honest appreciation."
- "Call attention to other people's mistakes indirectly."
- "Talk about your own mistakes first."
- "Ask questions instead of giving direct orders."
- "Let the other person save face."
- "Praise every improvement."
- "Give them a fine reputation to live up to."
- "Encourage them by making their faults seem easy to correct."
- "Make the other person happy about doing what you suggest."