Ok that is more clear.. and I agree wholly..
To me, The ideal is love itself.. not the person..
No person can live up to an ideal, except to themselves perhaps..
But people can fit into the ideal of love and still be who they are, if the ideal of love is real..
know what i mean?
I think that love is both an action and a choice that comes from the inside. Thus, it really doesn't have anything to do with the other person. The other person doesn't have to be perfect to be loved.
What's helped me kill the idealism thus far:
1. By letting others control their own self-improvement and staying out of their business. Once you realize that you CAN'T 'fix' someone, you're less likely to idealize them. Know that, in all cases, you cannot fully help the other person without their consent. Can you encourage them? Can you lighten their load? Of course, and by all means do so. But helping them is different than trying to force your own will upon them. At the end of the day, it's up to them to change. You can't control anyone except yourself.
2. Don't ignore flaws. I'm always tempted to let warning-signs roll off my back, or over-justify the other person's behavior. Of course, patience is a virtue. But are you really exercising patience if it's based on self-deception? Be understanding, but be aware. Note that being a doormat leads to pent up resentment, thus isn't really patience.
Also.. I'm a Christian too. :hi: Remember: Jesus is your role-model. Every single person that you will ever meet, no matter how good that they seem, will let you down and disappoint you. There's nothing wrong with thinking: "wow, that's a great quality; I'd love to emulate that!" But remember: Jesus is the ONLY one that is eternally good and consistent. What helps me love:
1. Being understanding of the ENTIRE person. If you see where their flaws stem from, it is easier to accept them.
2. Realizing that we're all united by our need for God. Which means humbling myself and being aware of my OWN flaws. How can I expect others to be an ideal that I myself can't reach?