I have read the op (which is a compliment cause I never read posts
) and what I see is someone ensnared in antagonisms. These are not direct logical antagonisms, like first you say A and then not-A, these are antagonisms of wanting, which means you do want a lot of things or expect a lot of things from yourself, but you havent really a clear big picture of yourself or an idea with how you can keep up with all of your ideals, without violating one or two.
I am assuming here, a lot: for instance you say: you want to be a heckling voice from the backgrounds. Then you say: you are a strong eight and stubborn as heck. Well both statements present you as a being riven beyond extremes. The real TG prolly is someone who doesnt need to be the center of every discussion, because she doesnt want to, ultimativekly tho because the center of discussion often because of her strong opinion. I mean facts along speak against you, you are probably one the most polarizing people on this board and you like to question the status quo, this not the work of a background heckling; this the work of a leader.
In my opinion you are not ready to be given any mbti type. This is probably your billionth thread in which you ask for your type and quadrubillion people already gave you their thoughts. You made nothing of it. It's like you are wating for one to do a psychotrick on you and talk to you in your words and then you'll accept his opinion, but two threads later you'll disregard it again and start at point zero all over.
It's a bit like trieing to quit cocaine: you can quit from one day to the other, but without really finding out why you ever took it, so the psychological background, it will not cure you. So if someone here was actually able to tell you definitly what mbti type you are (which ability noone possess), it would get you nothing. It maybe would present you a rolemodel behaviour you could set up for yourself as a rule, but if that then really would be what you are, I doubt it the chances are slim, the chances are greater you'ld become unhappy with the mbti type again.
You are in a process of change and growth, but you got caught in a vicious circle. The reason for this is hard for me to find out, since I dont know you in person. You strike as the type of girl, who is not really fond of showing emotions and who doesnt really want to do it. To every rational being you prolly would be marked as a "hopeless case" because your problems are a direct result from your lack of learning about your emotions and coping with them correctly. Of developing wisdom and to learn thru experience. The kind of girl who will three times in a row fall in love with the same asshole, somehow denieing the fact he'll hurt her again.
Those people are easy to judge that way cause the majority of people has an easier time to understand their emotions and those of others. Those people do not understand that it isnt so easy for everyone and you seem to be a member of the group of people to whom it is not that easy.
At this stage of the post I am basically lost with giving you advice, cause that would need me to care much deeper about people, so I'ld be able to feel with you. I cant do that I am sorry, it's just not in my abilities. I do sense your troubles and understand the root of some things you say because I've lived thru similiar situations in my life, but all I can do from now is showing you what I see, how to cope with that I dont know.
You will not be happy if you let people for the billionth time write something about what mbti type you could be. You need to listen to them, you need to imagine how it is for them and how or what motivated them to type them as they did. With some people that is easy, yet some remain a mystery. Even with some you are convinced you know how they think, yet they think completly different. You are in danger to fall into the "one-man-thought-only-hole", which means you are in danger to be caught with your way of thinking and view on the world alone. You can be stubborn, this no problem, believe me I am german, I am one of the most stubborn people in the world, but if you neglect to really try to open up to another persons thinking or feeling, you will not find out jack about you.
I sometimes think of my girlfriend that she had an evil agenda to trick me or to play a pun on me. Then I find out that she actually did only want to do something very beautiful for me and my interpretation of the situation was totally flawed. The thing is, she has a fundamental differerent way of thinking, her emphasis is a lot on how she feels about things; it's just different, alien even, but when I never learn it, I'll be never able to understand her nor will I be able then to understand me.
I dont know how you really can learn that, if you think about mabye going on day to a psychologist and take your time to talk about your past and to evaluate it, I think this wont be a bad idea. I dont know how much that costs in America, but on a personal level you dont need to be ashamed of it; those people really can help you from times.
If you nevertheless want to hear a type for you tho, I am 100% convinced that you are ENTJ. You show all the symptons, stubbornness due to Te-J, lacking to deal with emotions as a balancing force in life Fi, knack for subtleties Ni and probably you will have a strong taste for other pleasantries in life, like sexy dresses and such which is Se.
This being your type is as safe as the amen in church.