Hey sabastious, how's it going? Did the hike turn out well?
I understand about the loss you feel and the many parts that make up such a difficult transition. I still can't sleep or wake up with anxiety a lot, too ... and waste time on the Internet to put it out of my mind.
To be honest, at the beginning of my transition, I felt so overwhelmed and full of loss that I didn't really think life was worth living at all. As I've continued through this journey, I've found new dreams, new fun things to think about, and most of all -- a new sense of wonder for the each moment.
Things matter to me WAY more now than they ever did before, because this is probably my only chance -- my one shot -- to live life and live it well. Every color, every piece of food, every adventure of the day is something I can experience fully and not take for granted. It's been really cool to wake up to that view of life.
To get through all of this difficulty, I've tried to look at it as a grieving process like any other, as if a friend had died or something. It definitely is a huge loss. I hope you will be gentle with yourself. Take care, and let us know how you are doing.