Why were you incapable of recognizing your own feelings? (I have been dealing with this a bit as well.)
This is still very hard for me to explain, but I'll give it a go. Please assume the following are given in my mindset:
(1) I am a problem solver. Any problem that is not life treatening is assessed in a very objective manner by my brain and I solve the problem to the best interest of all parteis involved, given what I have to work with.
(2) Once I accept a problem as real and imminent I immediately identify the THREE most likely scenarios for it to get resolved (a) WORST CASE, (b) MIDDLE OF THE ROAD, and (c) BEST CASE SCENARIO.
(3) I put all efforts into making the best case scenario come to fruition.
(4) I accept the worst case scenario as a potential outcome, regardless of how much effort I put into the problem's resolution. In doing so, I free myself from FEAR associated with worrying if my efforts at making the best case scenario occur fail miserably.
(5) Soon after, the problem is solved, and I move on.
BUT HOW DO I FEEL ABOUT IT????
Good question. I haven't been challenged with that inquiry until some really big problems hit me personally. It is at that point that I executed the above procedure, came up with multiple acceptable outcomes, and was then forced to choose which trigger to pull.
I COULDN'T CHOOSE, BECAUSE I HAD NO IDEA HOW I FELT ABOUT THE OUTCOME OF EACH POSSIBLE SOLUTION.
For the first time in as long as I can remember, I was paralyzed. I had all the OBJECTIVE information I needed to make any number of sound reasonable decisions to get through the difficulties at hand...but I could not do it, because my mind and my heart were totally and completely disconnected.
I shit you not, I went to talk to my counselor about this, and it is at that point that it was confirmed that I had entered a formal state of depression.
CONCLUSION: I did not know what to do. I lost my drive to accomplish great things at all costs, I was barely getting by. All I could do was layout by the pool, sleep, go to the gym here and there, and let my mind try to connect with my heart subconsciously as I thought through these issues in my melancholic slumber.
Finally, it hit me. At one moment I knew what to do to make the "problems" go away (be solved) and which solutions were acceptable to my heart. It took me a 7 hour conversation with a close friend to go through the past 15 years of my life, which allowed me to put it all out on the table, look at it for what it was, and without considering what the problem solutions were,
DECIDE WHAT IT IS THAT I WANTED TO BE THE FINAL OUTCOME IN MY HEART.
Once I did that, the path was lit up, and I was free to live again. My heart led the way.
I hope that makes some sense. It's still work in progress for me, my friend.
For some this might be really easy, but it literally brought me to my knees, which has not happened in my adult life thus far, so I am very intent on correcting this deficiency in my ability to allow my feelings to help me find the way I must choose to live my life.
Best of luck to you.
-Alex