sculpting
New member
- Joined
- Jan 28, 2009
- Messages
- 4,148
1. When someone does something that hurts you or another can you forgive them?
Always. I may not choose to be around them, but I will not carry anger at another. To do so, would allow me to hurt them, which is wrong.
2. How important is intent/motive? Can you forgive them if they hurt someone unintentionally vs intentionally hurting another?
Everything. Harm without motive is always forgiven, once understood. That is why understanding is so very important. Almost always intentional harm of another arises out of misunderstanding and miscommunication, out of frustration, out of mutual hurt and distrust, defensive reactions. Thus even intentional harm is almost always forgiven.
3. Is there a limit to how many times you forgive for the same offense?
Not really. Maybe. I dunno.
An additional thought concerning forgiveness-
Te establishes standards for how Fi judges behavior. Or another perspective-Fi may determine what is wrong or right, but in an ENFP Te helps determine how we apply those standards to others around us based upon their innate capabilities. This is why we have to understand others-why we endlessly analyze them. We have to determine where to set those standards and understand what to forgive and how much to forgive. This is why we can endlessly forgive.
However internally we apply very high Te standards to ourselves-higher so than anyone else. We judge ourselves more stringently and more harshly than any external person could.
A friend hurt me out of confusion, unintentionally. I lashed out horrifically, nightmarishly, irrationally, in blind rage and anger. I was cruel and barbaric to someone who had only ever been my friend and been caring towards me. I was a monster to this person. I spent the following days digging apart, seeking rationalizations, justifications, analysis, patterns-all manners of excuses to be blunt-to avoid having to face the inevitable. The inevitable is having to judge my own actions by my standards and finding them to be unforgivable.
No matter how many hugs, justifications, or external affirmations I receive, I will always carry with me the knowledge that I behaved monsterously according to my own standards. That I let my own inner rage, my own weakness, my anger, my hurt, overcome my strength of will and I injured another person. I am built in such a way, that when this loss of control happens I dont just become angry, I become a force of destruction.
I will never forgive myself and will carry it as a lesson of the cruelty that I can inflict upon another. I will take the lessons learned and apply them to myself, as to not repeat, but I will never forgive myself for my own cruelty to another. It is internally, eternally, by my own standards, unforgivable and unpardonable, and will remain a mark upon me for many years to come.
Always. I may not choose to be around them, but I will not carry anger at another. To do so, would allow me to hurt them, which is wrong.
2. How important is intent/motive? Can you forgive them if they hurt someone unintentionally vs intentionally hurting another?
Everything. Harm without motive is always forgiven, once understood. That is why understanding is so very important. Almost always intentional harm of another arises out of misunderstanding and miscommunication, out of frustration, out of mutual hurt and distrust, defensive reactions. Thus even intentional harm is almost always forgiven.
3. Is there a limit to how many times you forgive for the same offense?
Not really. Maybe. I dunno.
An additional thought concerning forgiveness-
Te establishes standards for how Fi judges behavior. Or another perspective-Fi may determine what is wrong or right, but in an ENFP Te helps determine how we apply those standards to others around us based upon their innate capabilities. This is why we have to understand others-why we endlessly analyze them. We have to determine where to set those standards and understand what to forgive and how much to forgive. This is why we can endlessly forgive.
However internally we apply very high Te standards to ourselves-higher so than anyone else. We judge ourselves more stringently and more harshly than any external person could.
A friend hurt me out of confusion, unintentionally. I lashed out horrifically, nightmarishly, irrationally, in blind rage and anger. I was cruel and barbaric to someone who had only ever been my friend and been caring towards me. I was a monster to this person. I spent the following days digging apart, seeking rationalizations, justifications, analysis, patterns-all manners of excuses to be blunt-to avoid having to face the inevitable. The inevitable is having to judge my own actions by my standards and finding them to be unforgivable.
No matter how many hugs, justifications, or external affirmations I receive, I will always carry with me the knowledge that I behaved monsterously according to my own standards. That I let my own inner rage, my own weakness, my anger, my hurt, overcome my strength of will and I injured another person. I am built in such a way, that when this loss of control happens I dont just become angry, I become a force of destruction.
I will never forgive myself and will carry it as a lesson of the cruelty that I can inflict upon another. I will take the lessons learned and apply them to myself, as to not repeat, but I will never forgive myself for my own cruelty to another. It is internally, eternally, by my own standards, unforgivable and unpardonable, and will remain a mark upon me for many years to come.
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