substitute
New member
- Joined
- May 27, 2007
- Messages
- 4,601
- MBTI Type
- ENTP
Okay... any advice or input from anyone at all about this situation will be gratefully received!
My bestest bud in the world, my ISTP, W, has done a very silly thing. Firstly, he fell in love, and we all know how silly THAT is, don't we? Heh, but no, srsly, he fell in love anyway, with a person whom I shall all C, of indeterminate type, from California, whom he met on the Internet (we're in the UK, to clarify). C came over to the UK to visit W, and they had a ball, and were very sad when she had to go back home. Their plan was for her to come here to live in the UK with him, permanently.
However, it seemed they just couldn't wait to go through the process properly (read: legally), so a few weeks later C just bought a one-way ticket and came here to stay. No visa, passport about to run out. No money to get back home and no intention of going home anyway.
The situation has now become thus: her passport has expired, and as she can't work and has to keep a low profile, he's having to work his ass off to keep her. They're restricted about where they can live because it has to be with a landlord who isn't too fussy about the fact that this obviously-not-British woman doesn't have any papers to prove her right to stay on the Island.
Whilst W's friends and family were initially enthusiastic and welcoming of C, she is now un-flavour of the month. Nobody likes her - including me. I try to make an effort for W's sake, but she's very cold, seems very bitter and grouchy, she's very cagey and won't reveal anything about herself (not even her age) but wants to know everything about other people. She's very aggressively opinionated - which in itself wouldn't be a problem if 90% of her opinions weren't transparent BS. The word 'dark' is used about her by many of W's friends and family, and many of his friends won't even allow her in their homes any more, she upsets and offends other people so badly. They've actually been kicked out of four houses themselves because nobody can bear to live with her. There are very strong suspicions that her eagerness to come here was inspired by more than genuine ardour for W... she's running away from something.
Meanwhile, I can see W is becoming increasingly depressed, and, like ISTP's tend to under pressure and difficult situations, he's just bottling it all up and trying to soldier on, but to someone who knows him well as I do, he's clearly cracking up inside. It's becoming clear that there's trouble in paradise, as they say, but he's now implicated himself in her illegal immigration, and seems sorta stuck with her.
W trusts me absolutely implicitly. He would never imagine that the thought is not only crossing my mind, but thumping at the door to be acted upon: inform the authorities about her and get her deported back to the USA. Her presence seems to be dragging W's life down the toilet; she's not good for him.
But OTOH, I know that he would see me doing this as a great betrayal of trust; though perhaps in years to come he might thank me for it, I know that for a long time he'd be very angry and it would probably destroy our friendship. Also, he'd be in trouble as well as her, presumably.
My first loyalty here, IMO, is to W. Not the law and not C, but my best bud. I want to do what's in his best interest, but I just don't know if it's my place to intervene in a case like this... after all, I could be wrong... for all I know there might be a way for them to 'fix' the immigration issues and perhaps, if she was living under less pressure, C might be less unbearable as a person... they might even be happy together for years or something. Could I be contemplating destroying not only my friendship with W, but his best shot at finding true love?
Also, for all I know, the immgration department is run by a bunch of incompetents and even if I do grass her up, for all I know it could be that nothing happens anyway!! I'm not clued up enough on immigration law and I don't know where I could get advice without sorta, burning bridges if you get what I mean?
What, IYO, should I do??
My bestest bud in the world, my ISTP, W, has done a very silly thing. Firstly, he fell in love, and we all know how silly THAT is, don't we? Heh, but no, srsly, he fell in love anyway, with a person whom I shall all C, of indeterminate type, from California, whom he met on the Internet (we're in the UK, to clarify). C came over to the UK to visit W, and they had a ball, and were very sad when she had to go back home. Their plan was for her to come here to live in the UK with him, permanently.
However, it seemed they just couldn't wait to go through the process properly (read: legally), so a few weeks later C just bought a one-way ticket and came here to stay. No visa, passport about to run out. No money to get back home and no intention of going home anyway.
The situation has now become thus: her passport has expired, and as she can't work and has to keep a low profile, he's having to work his ass off to keep her. They're restricted about where they can live because it has to be with a landlord who isn't too fussy about the fact that this obviously-not-British woman doesn't have any papers to prove her right to stay on the Island.
Whilst W's friends and family were initially enthusiastic and welcoming of C, she is now un-flavour of the month. Nobody likes her - including me. I try to make an effort for W's sake, but she's very cold, seems very bitter and grouchy, she's very cagey and won't reveal anything about herself (not even her age) but wants to know everything about other people. She's very aggressively opinionated - which in itself wouldn't be a problem if 90% of her opinions weren't transparent BS. The word 'dark' is used about her by many of W's friends and family, and many of his friends won't even allow her in their homes any more, she upsets and offends other people so badly. They've actually been kicked out of four houses themselves because nobody can bear to live with her. There are very strong suspicions that her eagerness to come here was inspired by more than genuine ardour for W... she's running away from something.
Meanwhile, I can see W is becoming increasingly depressed, and, like ISTP's tend to under pressure and difficult situations, he's just bottling it all up and trying to soldier on, but to someone who knows him well as I do, he's clearly cracking up inside. It's becoming clear that there's trouble in paradise, as they say, but he's now implicated himself in her illegal immigration, and seems sorta stuck with her.
W trusts me absolutely implicitly. He would never imagine that the thought is not only crossing my mind, but thumping at the door to be acted upon: inform the authorities about her and get her deported back to the USA. Her presence seems to be dragging W's life down the toilet; she's not good for him.
But OTOH, I know that he would see me doing this as a great betrayal of trust; though perhaps in years to come he might thank me for it, I know that for a long time he'd be very angry and it would probably destroy our friendship. Also, he'd be in trouble as well as her, presumably.
My first loyalty here, IMO, is to W. Not the law and not C, but my best bud. I want to do what's in his best interest, but I just don't know if it's my place to intervene in a case like this... after all, I could be wrong... for all I know there might be a way for them to 'fix' the immigration issues and perhaps, if she was living under less pressure, C might be less unbearable as a person... they might even be happy together for years or something. Could I be contemplating destroying not only my friendship with W, but his best shot at finding true love?
Also, for all I know, the immgration department is run by a bunch of incompetents and even if I do grass her up, for all I know it could be that nothing happens anyway!! I'm not clued up enough on immigration law and I don't know where I could get advice without sorta, burning bridges if you get what I mean?
What, IYO, should I do??