I've been lurking these forums for awhile, and the ESTP advice you guys give is so great, I'm really hoping you can help me with my situation. I'm not sure if you require additional background information so please ask me follow up questions as needed!
I guess to sum it up... one day we were just laughing and joking like we always do, but suddenly he said something that completely floored me. It was so inappropriate and out of line. Like a slap in the face, it made me feel completely worthless. I cut him off immediately. As an INTJ (female), I am used to his brash, vulgar style and I don't mind it - I usually leave him speechless because I can banter with him at his level, like no one else can. But this time he really did cross the line. He tried to talk to me a few days later, but I told him off. He was visibly upset for several weeks afterwards, but refused to apologize for what he said. His POV is essentially that its my own fault that I couldn't handle a joke, and he would never say something to hurt me that much, so I'm over reacting. He also tried to make excuses for his behavior, which I knew were lies. It infuriated me even more to hear that bullshit.
What he had said that was so upsetting basically brought to surface a lot of unspoken truths about how he thinks he can interact with me, which I am not willing to allow anymore. I felt that talking to him was pointless because he refused to acknowledge that he did something wrong, he made shit up to try and cover his ass, and it seemed that in his mind, things were just going to go back to the way they were, even after I told him I can't go back.
The problem is, he still tries to talk to me. I don't want him to. I've asked politely, I've asked sternly, I've stopped answering him when he does. I didn't want to resort to it, but a few weeks ago, I called him the one thing I know he hates being called, and I knew immediately I had hit him where it hurts. He left me alone for several weeks, and I felt so calm and at peace. But now he's back to trying to engage with me. I can't stand it because I can't stand him anymore. I know he won't be able to respect my new boundaries - if he starts talking to me, he'll start trying to weasel his way back to where they were before (give an ESTP an inch and he'll take a foot...). I really just want to be left alone.
My questions (Im sure I'll have more later...)
1. Can some of you ESTPs out there help me understand why he won't just leave me alone?
2. What can I say or do to make him leave me alone?
3. I just don't understand his behavior so any insight is greatly appreciated.
I guess to sum it up... one day we were just laughing and joking like we always do, but suddenly he said something that completely floored me. It was so inappropriate and out of line. Like a slap in the face, it made me feel completely worthless. I cut him off immediately. As an INTJ (female), I am used to his brash, vulgar style and I don't mind it - I usually leave him speechless because I can banter with him at his level, like no one else can. But this time he really did cross the line. He tried to talk to me a few days later, but I told him off. He was visibly upset for several weeks afterwards, but refused to apologize for what he said. His POV is essentially that its my own fault that I couldn't handle a joke, and he would never say something to hurt me that much, so I'm over reacting. He also tried to make excuses for his behavior, which I knew were lies. It infuriated me even more to hear that bullshit.
What he had said that was so upsetting basically brought to surface a lot of unspoken truths about how he thinks he can interact with me, which I am not willing to allow anymore. I felt that talking to him was pointless because he refused to acknowledge that he did something wrong, he made shit up to try and cover his ass, and it seemed that in his mind, things were just going to go back to the way they were, even after I told him I can't go back.
The problem is, he still tries to talk to me. I don't want him to. I've asked politely, I've asked sternly, I've stopped answering him when he does. I didn't want to resort to it, but a few weeks ago, I called him the one thing I know he hates being called, and I knew immediately I had hit him where it hurts. He left me alone for several weeks, and I felt so calm and at peace. But now he's back to trying to engage with me. I can't stand it because I can't stand him anymore. I know he won't be able to respect my new boundaries - if he starts talking to me, he'll start trying to weasel his way back to where they were before (give an ESTP an inch and he'll take a foot...). I really just want to be left alone.
My questions (Im sure I'll have more later...)
1. Can some of you ESTPs out there help me understand why he won't just leave me alone?
2. What can I say or do to make him leave me alone?
3. I just don't understand his behavior so any insight is greatly appreciated.