I'm curious to know more about the ENFJ/ESFJ pairing. What would the effect of "insane Fe" be in real life? Does anyone have any stories to share about ENFJ/ESFJ romantic relationships or marriages?
Would the relationship be tumultuous? Or would the couple just work really hard to get along? Would it be a superficially workable relationship, but underneath lack intimacy? Or does anyone have any examples of such a relationship working and being happy?
I am married to an ESFJ.
The relationship has been and is at times tumultuous, explained more below. We both do work really hard to get along. Its a daily reminder of our devotion to each other- which makes it fun, especially bc we both enjoy a challenge. I think our relationship could have easily ended up superficial, but I couldn't live with that. So I "deepen" things and he follows me bc he cares and loves me. And we both offer things that the other just cannot. Its amazing to me how two people with such similar functions could be so different.
He is amazed at my ease in looking ahead and seeing his potential. I am amazed at his devotion, his concreteness of thinking, and his ability to provide. I know he will do whatever it takes to provide. He insists that we wait to buy only the best we can afford. This is extremely helpful to me. I am not accustomed to noticing such things!
Insane Fe
I am just beginning to understand the serious damage that "insane Fe" can do when a couple both have it as a dominant function.
The biggest problem I see:
Couple mood swings.
We absorb each others energy. One of us begins to feel down and the other is sure to follow. We lift each other up, too.
Idealist vs. Guardian Perceptions
...can be the source of many arguments.
The scariest thing is to being around large groups of people and to discuss people later and see how our opinions are different and realize, Oh, well, I guess I am not a mind reader. I guess my Fe is not always accurate and is affected by me, my perceptions and experiences/etc.
It's an incredible ego deflater. It has been an extremely
amazing growth process, and
humbling too, to get this smack in the face of reality after seeing Fe from one another's point of view. Most of the time we agree on Fe perceptions, but there was a time when we argued a lot. We finally came to realize that we were both basically saying the same thing.
Sensing Fe vs. Intuitive Fe
His feelings can get really hurt by my intuition's insight into people's motivations and I usually have to remind myself that he, as an ESFJ, is much better off not knowing that kind of stuff. I can help him to be the "best he can be", my ultimate goal in life, by keeping that stuff to myself. He enjoys scratching the surface in social interactions, and he will be far better off doing what he enjoys. He gets extremely depressed after thinking down my ENFJ pathways. I have to lay off the philosophizing and do that with friends, although he is happy to philosophize briefly bc he knows how much I like it. His feelings also get hurt if I deter philosophizing for his protection...so I just go with the flow. He backs down when he has had all he can take.