I'm not terribly smooth when it comes to people I'm genuinely attracted to. They get my full attention when they're around to pretty much the exclusion of anyone/anything else. This is primarily because it's fairly rare for me to be really into someone. Strong attraction is very much a matter of first impression, and I know pretty immediately whether that connection is there or not.
In terms of how all of this is expressed, where the relationship with the other person is is a major factor. If I don't really know them too well, then I make my interest obvious (short of asking the guy out myself) and see how things develop from there. If things are a bit further along, and I'm
really into the person I can be immensely circumspect about what feelings I express to maintain control and avoid getting hurt. Regardless of what I may or may not express, though, the person is still a priority to me, and I'll demonstrate that through my actions. Sometimes in ways the other person may never be aware of. I always make time for them. I keep track of what they tell me so I know what's important to them. I try to be helpful to them in whatever ways I can. These things are not always as obvious as someone who's willing to emote all over the damn place, but if you know us, we tend to be tyrannical with our time and resources. If we're investing either in you in a genuine way, then that's a strong indication of interest and possibly commitment.
I have always found ENTJ's to be an interesting type and I enjoy learning more about them. As an ENTJ, when you say as a way of getting to know someone you are interested in you test that person's boundaries what types of boundaries are you referring to? What are you trying to learn about that person?
I dont know if this was just to YWIR, or if you wouldn't mind if other ENTJ took a stab at your questions.
Boundary testing is about figuring out that person's thresholds. Everyone has the polite face that they present to the world, but what's underneath that? What is this person really made of? What frightens them? What makes them angry? How do they react to pressure? Boundary testing doesn't usually take place until we're at least somewhat comfortable with the person. We don't necessarily want them to walk. We just want to poke at them a little to see how they function. We do this for a couple of reasons. A) Empathy's not really our strong suit, so it's nice to have an object lesson tucked away somewhere so we can know where the person's lines are so we don't accidentally cross them in the future. B) We need to know we can trust the person. And C) we need to know that the person can deal with us. Most ENTJs tend to be fairly extreme personalities, so we need to know that our prospective mate can hang when the going gets rough.
Someone else mentioned that they like to first observe the person they are interested in. What things are you looking for? Also, what qualities do you find attractive in someone?
I dont want to speak for [MENTION=10808]andante[/MENTION], but usually when I'm researching someone I'm interested in I'm not necessarily looking for anything in particular. I just want to know what their deal is. I want to get a better sense of the person, and I don't want to have any surprises.
Getting into specific qualities that are nice to find, I think that varies from person to person. But for me, point C) on boundary testing is a big one. I need to know that they're someone I can truly be myself with, and if I'm lucky they'll be able to keep up. Intelligence also ranks pretty high. Integrity is important...There are all kinds of things really, but the bottom line is someone who will be a good friend and a partner I can trust. While I acknowledge my shortcomings, I feel like I have a lot to offer as a mate, and it would be nice to find someone who not only appreciated those things but had as much to offer in return.