thescientist
New member
- Joined
- Jul 23, 2009
- Messages
- 254
- MBTI Type
- INTJ
- Enneagram
- 5w4
A spinoff on my INTJ/ENFP thread update. I came across an ENFP's blog and he had a post on flirting.
How many of you ENFP's can relate to this ENFP's words and patterns of flirtation:
If you're interested in reading the full blog post you can find it here:
A long post about flirtation, validation, and conversion at Hugo Schwyzer
How many of you ENFP's can relate to this ENFP's words and patterns of flirtation:
It was only in my early thirties, when I underwent my spiritual conversion, that I became willing to rethink my own flirtatiousness. Doing a written inventory of my romantic and sexual history, I realized that from 13 to 31 I had devoted a colossal amount of time and energy to flirting. The goal was rarely sex — the goal was validation of my own desirability. I was a first-rate narcissist, always eager to “stir the pot” to see if I could arouse a spark of interest in the various women I met in my life. It never mattered if I was single or attached, and I didn’t much care if these women were available or not. My ego needed feeding, and flirting was the best damn way I knew to get it fed. If the “intriguing” led to a short-term relationship or brief encounter, so much the better — but that was just icing on the cake. The “cake” in these instances was the knowledge that I was wanted. And knowing that I was desirable was the ultimate payoff.
Flirtation, particularly when we are married or in committed relationship, brings us dangerously close to one of the most pernicious sins of all. No, I don’t mean adultery. I mean the sin of using another human being to soothe our own anxiety, to feed our ravenous ego. Sending out “mixed messages” that arouse interest, deliberately fishing about to see if we can get a little “stroking” — this is toxic, manipulative, adolescent. I did it for nearly twenty years. It took several years more of hard work to break myself of the habit. Even now, I remain vigilant, knowing that it would be false pride to claim that I am forevermore immune from the temptation to soothe myself this way.
If you're interested in reading the full blog post you can find it here:
A long post about flirtation, validation, and conversion at Hugo Schwyzer