I am curious about something.
Since people are openly admiting here that they are dumping other people I am wondering if they calculate the probability of other person commiting suicide because of this ?
I mean broken hart is probably number one reason why people commit suicide.
(just curious)
I am curious about something.
Since people are openly admiting here that they are dumping other people I am wondering if they calculate the probability of other person commiting suicide because of this ?
I mean broken hart is probably number one reason why people commit suicide.
(just curious)
I am curious about something.
Since people are openly admiting here that they are dumping other people I am wondering if they calculate the probability of other person commiting suicide because of this ?
I mean broken hart is probably number one reason why people commit suicide.
(just curious)
Your feelings are understandable... It is hard to overcome the belief that it is not safe to be honest. I think when there's insecurity, it's easy to go one of two routes: avoidance and non-assertiveness, or bringing in the cannons when a pellet gun would have done the trick. Both are based on the belief that you won't be listened to if you just state your case.
Paradoxically, sex is often a way that people can feel close to someone without risking emotional intimacy. The problem comes in when the other person sees it as an expression of emotional intimacy and there is great potential then to hurt them. If you are not sure if someone will be physically violent with you, I worry about the lack of care you have for yourself in trusting yourself with him sexually.
Part of the reason he is taking this as there being something wrong with him is because so many people use the "It's not you, it's me" as a way of letting someone down easy.
I am also not sure if it's just me sabotaging something that could have been good, I have questioned this angle for 2 weeks now, ever since I started to feel myself closing down and I honestly can't tell. How do you know, how can you be sure?
No, I do not take it into consideration because most people are stable enough to not let a break up of a 2 month fling cause them to commit suicide. I have had someone use this line of emotional blackmail before to get me to stay, it's low and cruel.
Most definitely, yes. I avoid it at all costs. Break-ups just aren't as easy.. Sometimes, as much as I try to keep it friendly.. like say, "Hey- I don't think we're good for each other, but let's just be friends- no hard feelings.. Wanna grab a drink- coffee, slushy & keep things light hearted?? Yeah?"Any other enfp's cringe at the dumping stage?
I don't know about the original post, but I've dumped a few ENFPs. Everything is always great in the beginning when it's new but eventually they start getting antsy. It seems they were always searching for the next best thing, so I let them be free to find it.
In actuality, we did try to work things out. But nothing changed for whatever reason.I kind of can relate to that, it really sucks for us, because we feel torn between our love of the person and our need for new experience. I think you should make the decision with them not for them though.
The bottom line is this : If you think you're mature enough to get into a relationship in the first place, then you're mature enough to accept the consequences if the relationship doesn't work out. Pain, no pain, crying, no crying - all of that is irrelevant. The other person should be given the courtesy of more than a text message. Their pain is just as important as yours, and they have the right to speak their minds one good time. You have to take it like an adult and deal with it, and then you can walk away. I'm not saying this lightly either. I've had to sit through emotional, weeping break ups before, and it was horrible. But then it was OVER, and I could walk away from it with my dignity intact. And know that I did right by the other person as well.
Sorry, maybe once again I am missing your point, but isn't the best way to find out you are ready or not ready for something, to actually give it a go in the first place?
I also didn't head into this under the banner of "relationship" and I made it really clear from the start that I wasn't after anything heavy, just some fun. I didn't mislead him when I told him. When he asked me to commit I told him in very clear terms that I wasn't after that, and that I didn't even know if I was ready.
I told him from the start that I was messed up.
In actuality, we did try to work things out. But nothing changed for whatever reason.
Any other ENFP's find it hard to dump someone they no longer want to be with?
I find it really hard, honestly don't want to hurt anyones feelings, and I tend to take all the blame on to me when I do, ie "it's not you, it's me, I'm just screwed up, I'm doing you a favour" etc etc, even when I feel that I am not totally to blame for the way my interest has dwindled.
I just broke up with the guy I was seeing, and suffice to say I snuck off in the middle of the night when he was sleeping and sent him a text (after ignoring numerous phone calls and texts off of him) later on the next day ending it by text. It was a long text, it wasn't bad, the usual it's my fault, I'm not ready, thanks for a good time and I hope we can remain friends.
Oh I am such a coward lol I'm not proud of the way I've done this, I haven't answered any of his calls today, nor his texts pleading with me for more explanations, or to give him another chance to make good.
I did tell him it was all on me and that he hasn't done anything wrong, I mean this from the bottom of my heart. I'm just not emotionally ready to commit to anyone, and good sex can only go so far, so I'm pretty stressed out that he feels he needs to offer to change when I have made my decision already.
I don't want to have to explain it again, it was hard enough sending that text as it was. Roll back 10yrs and you wouldn't even have known you were dumped until you added up the complete lack of communication on my part, to get your answer from that.
Any other enfp's cringe at the dumping stage?
Berbs, I think that you have been through all kinds of terribleness and back and the fact that you are still alive and kicking says a lot for you! I'm going to venture to say though that maybe you're looking for someone to fill a spot that no one but you are able to. Until that gap in your own heart is healed up, there will always be reasons that you will either choose someone who will not value you in the way you deserve or else that you push away a person who wants to love you in the way you need to be loved. It is a difficult thing to trust someone, especially if your past experiences all seem to say that it is dangerous to do so.
Perhaps some ways to know if you're ready for anyone are:
Do you trust any male implicitly?
What would a potential relationship for you consist of if sex wasn't a part of it in the first few months? (In other words, how would you build emotional and intellectual intimacy without having physical intimacy to fall back on?)
Do you feel like your own emotional needs are taken care of? Do you have anything extra left to offer someone else?
Are you ready to look for someone long term? Entering into something that you know is temporary before you even begin has great potential to hurt one or both of you. What kind of a man would you want to be your kids' stepdad or role model?
Do you know what the right sort of partner would look like to you? Are there any dealbreakers? How would you know if someone were or weren't the right person?
Have you practiced being assertive and honest with other people in your life? If you are not comfortable doing that with other people, it will be a million times harder with a romantic partner.
Have you figured out what factors contributed to your emotional insecurities? Have you resolved them in some way? If you are carrying that baggage along with you, it is almost impossible for you to even see the other person as they are and you will be more likely to choose someone who either tries to control you or who gives into you, neither of which you can respect or trust.
Just a few thoughts. I respect the fact that you've put all this out here for people to discuss with you. That takes a lot of guts. Obviously you do care about how you affect other people, or you wouldn't bother. You've got lots of people rootin' for you!
I mean for myself if I was ever dumped I would, and have, just left it immediately. I haven't pleaded for more information, I haven't offered to change, I haven't tried to fix it or get it back, I'll just let it go. Far too much shameful pride to put myself out there like that, in that vunerable pleading place.