sculpting
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Yeah, and that can go either way too, the frosty burn or the sigh and the explanation.
the frosty burn would be the end.. Alas it would make us cry and be a rejection of our Fi offering. It is our weak point.
Well see, there's two more likely conflict scenarios for INTJ/ENFP: Ne vs Se and Ne vs Ni.
Ni is an introverted function, so by and large it is done in private without much consultation. So the first conflict area for INTJ/ENFP is Ne vs Se. It goes like this:
- INTJ conceives of a plan (Ni+Te)
- INTJ worries aloud to supporting ENFP, seeking Fi.
- ENFP is entertained: Ne is making the connections, Fi is sharing the emo, and woo, Te is engaged and that's exciting.
- INTJ, supported, lights the afterburners, Se.
- ENFP is shut down.
See, INTJ Se is an end-stage device. The possibilities have been assessed, a plan has been devised, feeling is in place, so: act. At this stage the novelty and fluidity zone is all physical. The eyes see and seek immediately present options for completion of the set adventure. This is NOT a time for possibilities and intuitions. If it is, it means something has gone so wrong that the original plan has had to be re-assessed. Basically, INTJ in Se-mode is not listening to intuition and will not welcome it as a conscious interruption. The program has been set, the long-range stage management has been conceptualised, re-conceptualising is an out of place process here.
So what does an ENFP do at this point? Recoil, I guess. Certainly she is restricted in her involvement in the scene. I can't emphasize enough how little extroverted intuition is welcome at the end stage of a plan. The end stage is for doing, not second-guessing. The doing is not expected to create any surprises. It is expected to open up practical options for the next step of the plan. It is not meant to create new ideas, just new options. It actually will create new ideas, but it is the options that were the target. The INTJ will not welcome discussion of what it all means UNLESS the dictated action has been performed. Shut your mouth woman and perform.
I guess it depends upon what you are accomplishing.
Typically, in a work scenario, the INTJ is correct. 95% of the time you should just perform. This makes my tertiary Te happy as typically the INTJ is competent, and I can deploy my NeFiTe magic to get others to comply with the INTJ's directives and thus save the universe.
The other 5% of the time? The INTJ is wrong. The best way to deliver is to run in the door like a cracked out Fi fairy, and drop a Te bomb, more Fi sparkle-shine then run. Wait a day or so, then stop by to discuss in more depth. If it doesnt work or you are not friends with the INTJ, then prepare for a Te confrontation. But honestly, you dont need to do this typically as the INTJs seem too smart to stay stuck in their mistake once you give them the right information.
Personal issues? I see this Se activity in my ex dad-in-law. He will become tyrannical in his chosen objective-ie hanging up christmas lights, investing in the stock market, or plunging the toilet. The best enfp recourse? giggle, agree, and let him do his thing and help as needed. 95% of the time I could care less and he is right anyways. But good lord he can get so hysterically bitchy and determined.
The last 5% of the time is where the overlap will occur. I'd see kids, finances, or long term life plans being the big points of battles. However I would expect you'd bring the enfp in on those convos actively and early and expect them to be the big points of contention-as they are in any relationship.
- ENFP and INTJ engage in end-stage activities together, the ENFP being somewhat conservative in Si-mode and the INTJ being somewhat immaturely wild in Se-mode.
I dunno. I dont have enough Si influence to gauge this. My older ENFPs at work can be very quiet but they are all upper level executives and I think they sort of use Fi-Te-Si to look like Fe.
Funny, I suddenly realized the only INTJ who has ever hit on me at a bar was a sixty year old guy. I was reading a philosophy book and he sat down next to me and just kept asking me questions until I finally gave up, put the book down and argued/talked with him. Te Tenacity fueled by Se wild child?
(Too bad-I lost my wallet with his business card, as I planned to call him up next time I was in san fran.)
Why? Because there's still that in-the-moment conflict. At the intuition stage Ni still gets over-whelmed with the sheer needless amount of tangential material to bat away from the ENFP, and either way focuses hard so the ENFP is always getting ideas knocked back. And down at the end stage stuff, there's still the Ne vs Se conflict because Si didn't last that long up against Se and all the in-the-momentness of it called Ne out to not-play.
All up, because there's the thinking feeling exchange, it's a situation that the ENFP can derive enough satisfaction from that she'll stick it out for several years. And during those years a sense of confinement and restriction will be a source of growing, unvoiced resentment. Eventually she'll have to be free. And the INTJ? Well, it depends how much of the INTJ's money the ENFP spent during those years.
Hmm-so for the Ne dump-you have to tell the enfp to STFU. Ouch, yes this would hurt a little, and be fucking annoying. I can see this in my ex pop-in-law and my Best friend from grad school. Each time they did this it pinched-but I was being spastic and needed to chill. Why wouldnt you want to hear my 47,000 ideas all in one breath?
Takes flexing on both sides, though, as sometimes you have to tolerate the Ne play. Plus I would always keep my ENTP posse to run rampant with Ne play. To expect to have all of your needs met by one person is unrealistic.
Anyways this Ne smackdown is nothing compared to the pain of Fi rejection.
Confining restriction? I dunno, K, I think far worse things get tolerated in relationships. When married to my ISTP, I couldnt share any Fi or any Ne. He very actively would be repelled by both. There was resentment there but I still loved him in a Te way. (For the record he spent far more of my money than the reverse.) I would have stayed if he had not left me.
Perhaps keep in mind as you find the enfps-this is theoretical on my part-but I think Fi is the link in a relationship. We use Te protectively, to defend others and in accomplishing objectives, and use Ne to explore and play, but I'd bet that most ENFPs could bend a lot on the Ne/Si front if the Fi needs were met. Also tert Te also gives us a strong sense of endurance and commitment as we get older. To quit-ie divorce-is to fail on an emo promise we made.
Does an ISTJ do this crap any better? He's not supposed to, is he? ISTJ and ENFP get to negotiate in the middle of the story, do we do it the traditional way I know well or do we do it the unlikely and colorful new way you think might work. They get screwed if either the ISTJ really doesn't know anything about responding to feeling and/or the ENFP really doesn't know anything about planning.
Honestly I really adore them but most could never really tolerate the level of weirdness I can generate. In a meeting last week, we went from long term project planning, resource allocation, questions about oligonucleotide orientations, to me rubbing my head on the two ISTJs trying to convince them I had squirrels in my brain. My ENTP says this makes the meetings go smoother as I can break up horrific Te fights and make everybody giggle-it's like a reset button.
Could they deal with a lifetime of this? some could maybe-my ENTP is married to an ISTJ and I know he never could.