in relationships, i find it difficult to keep my adoration in motion and i have guilt when i slack.
so then, i figure i might as well end the relationship since i must just not be into it anymore, but when i go to do this, i find that i actually care. it's like that self-sabotage thing someone else had mentioned earlier.
why do i feel the need to keep up with the adoration? why can't i just relax?
:steam:
You know, this is one thing that I don't get or relate to. At all. And I'm surprised it's common amongst ENFPs.
Is this kinda like the "grass is greener" complex?
If I like you, trust me, I don't have to work on it at all and I don't worry about putting on a show. What you describe to me sounds like putting on a show to prove to...yourself? Or your partner? That you still care. I put on a show only related to work to prove to my dedication. In that case, the less I care, the harder I try to act like I care. I even try to convince myself. Keeping up appearances for me compensates for the guilt of knowing I'm earning a paycheck but not really doing everything I could or should.
Is it your 'love' or excitement you're trying to prove or your *dedication* to the person and your relationship? You feel a need to 'prove' something?
When it comes to matters of the heart my motto is: "My love is like a tidal wave" --> misquoted Pat Benatar lyrics. I have to do the opposite to keep myself from falling as hard or as fast as I am. It's pretty tragic. I'm in it to win it and I'm completely loyal to and enamored with my partner, to our relationship.
Like Ergophobe, I love the pedestrian, domestic, boring, everyday stuff you do with an SO. I mean, that is the reason we all get SO's right? Because you love them so much (whether it's puppy love or angsty emo love or you know, "love" love) and love being with them so much being together all the time and just living life (most of life is "boring" after all) is, well, enchanting? Just better.
Something like that.
When it comes to committed relationships, I don't get jumping from ship to ship at all. Or getting bored or disenchanted habitually. Not even when I was a hormonal hyperactive teenager. The grass is not greener on the other side. I'm with Marmalade Sunrise on this, once I bond, I'm *bonded*.
Rachel, do you know your Ennegram type? That might help shed more light on it.