Wanderer
New member
- Joined
- Feb 28, 2011
- Messages
- 157
- MBTI Type
- INFJ
- Enneagram
- 6w5
So a recent topic of discussion in this thread
http://www.typologycentral.com/forums/nf-idyllic/50717-infjs-perspective-other-types.html
Started talking about personality types and issues with commitment.
I'm not saying there aren't advantages to being an ENFP. My "issue" I suppose, is that I don't see how constantly changing priorities is a good thing in any relationship.
The ENFP's I know are flighty, and can be down right flaky. I think the term "free spirit" applies. I know two ENFP's and they fall in and out of relationships very easily, constantly going from extremes; "I don't need anyone, I'm independent" to "I don't know how I'd live without him/her" - "I would never even consider doing that" to "well, things have changed"
I would suggest that they're just immature/unhealthy, but they're both relatively stable in most other regards without serious character flaws. They just suffer from a lack of ability to stick to promises made, and they often don't mean what they say.
So I'm rather skeptical of the ENFP's in my life now, and I do hold them at arms length. Which is hard for me, because they DO bring out a side of me that usually stays relatively dormant, and I genuinely DO *like* who I am around them. I want so badly to trust them and allow them into the group of people I care about, but I can't shake the feeling that if I do, it'll end badly. It's hard for me to see "moving goalposts" in any relationship as a good thing. And it's difficult for me to even consider being close to someone whose word seems to be "wishy-washy"
(1) When CAN I take what an ENFP says seriously? (When could I take a promise from an ENFP to the bank, so to speak)
(2) What does this preference for "constant reassessment" and "moving goalposts" mean for serious commitments like marriage?
(3) Is it possible for ENFP's to be happy in a long term relationship?
And don't get me wrong! I love ENFP's! In some ways, ENFP's *get* me better than other types, and just being around them is always fun.
I've just had some bad experiences that have made/are making me highly distrustful. I suppose I want to know if that's just how the cookie crumbles..
And yes, before incoming "INFJ's are rigid and inflexible" - I know we can be. I often am. But some promises made are SUPPOSED to be rigid and inflexible. If something is important, it *has* to be stable. Whether that be the economy, a bridge, a safety net, or a relationship (romantic or otherwise).
http://www.typologycentral.com/forums/nf-idyllic/50717-infjs-perspective-other-types.html
Started talking about personality types and issues with commitment.
I wouldn't say that ENFPs have trouble keeping promises, just that we are willing to readjust our priorities as we see the situation change. I think this seems very wishy washy for INFJs. Most ENFPs (and especially mature ones with some life experience under their belt) take their promises very seriously. Another thing is that ENFPs will say things without thinking it through. In other words, I say crazy shit all the time that I have to sort through later to see if I really meant it. This might make INFJs (and other types who consider carefully what they say before they say it) think ENFPs as untrustworthy. They're not really. You just have to understand this part of their personality. Sometimes the words come before the reflection. It's an ExxP/IxxJ think I think.
I guess I'd challenge you to not judge ENFPs by your own INFJ standards, but to judge an ENFP by how they live within their own value system. See the beauty in the ENFP way, even if it is radically different than how you interact with the world as an INFJ. Remember one way isn't better than another. They are just different. In other words, each approach has it's strengths and weaknesses. Perhaps it would help if you consider the weakness of the INFJ approach and the strength of the ENFP approach.
For example, ENFPs have an amazing ability to go back and reevaluate situations and fine tune their approach. (Said in another way, they can say one thing, go and reflect, then change their mind.) This might seem loosely goosey (aka untrustworthy) to you, but being flexible and spontaneous is a real gift. ENFPs may say almost anything that comes into their head, but they can also be fluid as the situation requires. They can change on a dime. They can instantly tailor their approach to make the people around them feel more comfortable. In this way, they kick some serious INFJ ass.
I'm not saying there aren't advantages to being an ENFP. My "issue" I suppose, is that I don't see how constantly changing priorities is a good thing in any relationship.
The ENFP's I know are flighty, and can be down right flaky. I think the term "free spirit" applies. I know two ENFP's and they fall in and out of relationships very easily, constantly going from extremes; "I don't need anyone, I'm independent" to "I don't know how I'd live without him/her" - "I would never even consider doing that" to "well, things have changed"
I would suggest that they're just immature/unhealthy, but they're both relatively stable in most other regards without serious character flaws. They just suffer from a lack of ability to stick to promises made, and they often don't mean what they say.
So I'm rather skeptical of the ENFP's in my life now, and I do hold them at arms length. Which is hard for me, because they DO bring out a side of me that usually stays relatively dormant, and I genuinely DO *like* who I am around them. I want so badly to trust them and allow them into the group of people I care about, but I can't shake the feeling that if I do, it'll end badly. It's hard for me to see "moving goalposts" in any relationship as a good thing. And it's difficult for me to even consider being close to someone whose word seems to be "wishy-washy"
(1) When CAN I take what an ENFP says seriously? (When could I take a promise from an ENFP to the bank, so to speak)
(2) What does this preference for "constant reassessment" and "moving goalposts" mean for serious commitments like marriage?
(3) Is it possible for ENFP's to be happy in a long term relationship?
And don't get me wrong! I love ENFP's! In some ways, ENFP's *get* me better than other types, and just being around them is always fun.
I've just had some bad experiences that have made/are making me highly distrustful. I suppose I want to know if that's just how the cookie crumbles..
And yes, before incoming "INFJ's are rigid and inflexible" - I know we can be. I often am. But some promises made are SUPPOSED to be rigid and inflexible. If something is important, it *has* to be stable. Whether that be the economy, a bridge, a safety net, or a relationship (romantic or otherwise).