Thank you for your input. And yes, I am very much on my guard.
This particular INFJ guy called me a couple days ago, and here was his reason for breaking it off: "I felt the relationship trajectory was going straight up like a rocket, and I just felt completely terrified. I didn't feel that I could be the man you wanted/needed me to be, so I put up a front - that of a complete jerk - to make the severing quick and not long and drawn out. (He basically ended it over something I had no control over and something he was aware of from the beginning of the relationship - a health issue. Suddenly I was reduced to nothing more than a disease in his eyes and a threat to his hypothetical progeny. Ironically, I went into remission in the spring. Hilarious. Oh, and he isn't aware of that bit of news.)
He told me I was one of the few people he felt understood by and that I was a person he could trust. Intuitively, to a great degree, I know this is true. I never had to ask him how he was feeling - I already knew. I could be wrong, but here's my take on it: he has a very strong sense of right and wrong, and his conscience has been screaming at him for these past nine months. He hasn't been able to take responsibility for what he said - he feels too grieved and ashamed of himself. He knows he blew it in the hugest way. He's seeking forgiveness by contacting me, but he can't bring himself to actually say the words because he says what happened was too horrible for words and he doesn't want to relive it. He says he's tried to "bury" me and move on, but that he can't seem to do it. Earlier this year, he was in a relationship that was perfect for him on paper, but he missed the "shared experience" and friendship that he once knew.
So, it could be that I'm dealing with nothing more than a guilty conscience. But he still talks to his mom about me, still sees my face everywhere, says the best time of his entire life was when he was with me, etc. etc. I know his greatest wish in life is to find love/be loved, but I do get the feeling that he doesn't see things as they really are. I don't think he saw/sees me as I really am. As an INFP, I can understand this proclivity as I tend to live in fantasy land too. It takes work to seperate reality from the dream, but in the end, it's always better to deal with life as it is.
Forgiveness is what I want to give him - I think it will help him heal. I want him to forgive himself. It's taken me a long time to get here too, but forgiveness is difficult to give it when he won't ask for it.
I think he's an unusually gifted man with extraordinary potential. And maybe someday, things could work out....but I know better than to wait around.
Thanks to you all!