kyuuei
Emperor/Dictator
- Joined
- Aug 28, 2008
- Messages
- 13,964
- MBTI Type
- enfp
- Enneagram
- 8
Aside from a short period when I was very traumatized, I have never had any trouble with the law, holding jobs, having relationships, being close to my family etc. But I will not sit and claim that the sadistic tendency is eradicated just because I haven't done any majorly sadistic thing in years. Self-awareness is not something to be lazy about once it's "accomplished." It's a life-long pursuit.
But I do not think that sadism is at the heart of the unhealthy type 8. It is a side-effect of the core of it, but not the star of the show. When I was at my worst in my dating life, I picked crappy dates on purpose to serve myself a bit of control in an area where I had none. If I got to choose bad boyfriends on my own terms, then I would feel better about the whole situation, regardless of the fact that at the end I was still CHOOSING to be with a bad boyfriend. It was a bad attempt at self preservation made by a stupid girl, but sadism is not at the heart of what we're about. Control is what we're trying to achieve.. at our best, we take control of the things that give us joy, and we accept the terms of control that are outside of our grasp. At our worst, we start throwing tantrums like children.. forcing control away from us, trying to take it in things we KNOW we cannot have it in, and worse.
Sadism comes with that territory.. but it is not at the heart of it. It's a stepping stone on the way down.. I fear our level of ill health is far more dismal than mere sadism and anti-socialism.
He did not claim a super-hero "complex" at your best. That sort of complex is what he'd describe for type 7 Narcissist.
Type 8s are often dictated as self-sacrificing at their best.. as if we finally achieved our goal of over-coming our self-preserving ways by saving others and putting ourselves in potentially great peril (either physically, in career situations, etc.) for the overall good of others. It is a disastrous read, and leaves little hope for the average person that happens to be a type 8.
Either I'm struggling to stop terrorizing people around me, or I am struggling to continuously help others even at the expense of myself.. there is no balance in these descriptions. There is no breath of fresh air, where one can maintain anything. Self-awareness is a life-long journey.. but there is no stage of maintaining one's self in the type 8 descriptions. We are always wrong, or always struggling to stop being wrong.
Yeah I would probably not try to "right" it - that's the difference. I also have two withdrawn types in my tritype and a chronic illness which left me speaking in a whisper, and an SO blindspot so dealing with other people is not my favorite thing. Therefore I'm more selfish in this regard. That's another reason it was a shitty example.
Makes sense enough. I agree that, if given no other choice, I'm not going to have my stomach cramping and be in pain just because there isn't a clean facility to use. I'd probably still, in the end, use the facility regardless of its clean status if I really needed to go. I wouldn't feel bad for 'adding' to a toilet that won't flush, true, but I would hesitate to give the owner time to correct the problem before deciding on such a thing. Fixing it is much better, to me, than just adding to a problem.
Sigh.. why is it so hard for people to understand pure and utter selfishness with no ulterior motive, no point to prove, no justice, no "righting," and nothing but a will to get exactly what you want ? Is this really that hard to swallow?? =p
Because this is false security. There is no pure selfishness without these other concepts. You cannot just decide "Well, that trash can is full, so I can throw this paper cup down if I want. They didn't leave their trash cans open for me to do the right thing, and I'm not going to carry trash around for another few miles before finding another can." You're making more work for someone else somewhere, you're hurting the environment--everything you do has an impact on those around you. There is no selfishness without hurting others in some way, shape, or form. Sometimes it is necessary to be selfish, but that does not mean it didn't hurt the other party.
Say someone with no where to go (due to their own crappy decisions) asks you to stay at your place. You agree, but under certain terms. They fail to meet those terms, so you have to throw them out, otherwise they're mistaking your kindness as weakness. Even though you are being selfish in that regard, it isn't necessarily bad.. infact, it is something many people would do. But it also is to the detriment of the other party whether it is overall bad or not. We all must pick and choose our battles of selfishness.. if you could hold your bowels and use a facility that is in order, why would you just say, "No, fuck that, I want to use this one and I'm not going out of my way for others just because this is all fucked up"? It doesn't make any sense. In the trash example.. I would secure my trash and carry it until I found another receptacle suitable enough to deposit it in, even if that mean leaving it in my car until I got home, or walking into a place out of my way.
Nothing is without consequence.