JoSunshine
That's my name biotch!
- Joined
- Dec 17, 2009
- Messages
- 659
- MBTI Type
- eNfj
- Enneagram
- 2
I always have the feeling like I'm talking to people raised by wolves when it's an Fi/Fe discussion. Here's what I think: There are certain social conventions that you learn, growing up, hopefully, and these are a symbol language. We have these conventions of behavior so we can understand each other beyond our own individual peculiarities. So if someone is sick, perhaps you send flowers, or you visit and bring soup, or you send a card. Any of those things is a gesture expressing good will. It boggles my mind that someone's gesture toward another person's good would be spurned because it's not exactly what was wanted. IT'S THE THOUGHT THAT COUNTS.
The idea is that unless someone else is your intimate, they are not expected to know what you as an individual might prefer. This is where, after you get to know the person, you gently indicate that your appreciation for chicken soup is somewhat limited and actually you're a vegan, and you both laugh, and the next time you're sick, they send flowers instead.
Or is this the kind of thing you're even talking about? (What ARE you talking about, specifically?)
That's not what I am talking about I'm talking about when Fe pushes to get someone to not wear, drive or say something because "it's embarrassing". Or when an Fe user throws someone a party even though the person doesn't want it because "They'll have fun, they just don't know it yet!". Or when they/we try tell people how they "should" live because it's "better" when they are content with their lives. I see it as a listening problem...because we think we know what is best for people.
Anyone who would get mad at someone for sending flowers to the hospital is an asshole...unless they expressly told the person not to send flowers because they hate flowers and the person sent them anyway "to brighten things up"...then the person sending the flowers is an unintentional asshole.