For me anyway, I need to get all that extra stuff out and I find that having someone to talk to helps incredibly, even if I mostly need them to listen. Somehow it gives me a kind of clarity by expressing it that I can't arrive at by myself as easily. It sorts out my own thoughts and helps me sort what is important from what isn't (Ni offers too many possibilities and Ti offers too many details, so it can get overwhelming to decide what to factor in and what to ignore).
I find that I can only do that with someone who understands enough that they are not going to throw up additional frustrations (by their response) for me to work through.
Generally if I want to discuss something I need to write down the details that are swimming around and multiplying to distress me. If things are too raw or uncomfortable, I can't talk about it until I can do so without fear of crying etc. That's why some things just seem to stay on hold for awhile and then suddenly they are something I can work with after awhile. I need enough thinking time that when I do talk, it is not at a purely exploratory stage - more just like looking for feedback or trying to reach more of a structure to unify everything.
^ And I tend to find it almost impossible to talk through anything that I'm struggling with, at least in person, because I simply can't articulate all of it and I'm often going in circles internally and the net feeling is anxiety/confusion/panic/no solidity, which trumps almost all ability to talk through, because words/thoughts have escaped me by that point. The only conceivable way I can 'talk' through something is via writing.
So because of this, I've pretty much always ended up trying to work things out/figure things out on my own. Which of course leads to its own issues, but this is just how I tend to be.
This extends beyond mbti, however.
I find that I can only do that with someone who understands enough that they are not going to throw up additional frustrations (by their response) for me to work through.
Generally if I want to discuss something I need to write down the details that are swimming around and multiplying to distress me. If things are too raw or uncomfortable, I can't talk about it until I can do so without fear of crying etc. That's why some things just seem to stay on hold for awhile and then suddenly they are something I can work with after awhile. I need enough thinking time that when I do talk, it is not at a purely exploratory stage - more just like looking for feedback or trying to reach more of a structure to unify everything.
Yes, I can relate to that.
However, based on some other irl NFJ's that I know, I'm still on the extreme as far as more of a lack of an ability (compared to them) to talk things out.
I have not found a way yet in that interim stage though to avoid just reverting to inferior Se behaviours like eating something, sleeping, staying up way too late, spending money on stupid things, wasting time on dumb TV. Going for walks helps some, but I prefer to do that with company.
This isn't some sort of ultimate answer. Sometimes one's thoughts are still too incoherent to even begin to explain, and the only way out is through: you just have to let the thoughts have time to settle, and THEN explain them after they stop moving around so much.
Do you mean as an adult, or as children? (or both?)
As a teen. I have a 14-year-old daughter. Pretty certain she is INFJ.
Ha. Good luck.
Seriously though, are there any specific questions? I was terrible, so I might have some useful feedback. I'm always surprised when I see descriptions of how INFJ children are 'cooperative' and 'eager to please'- it was not my experience. And I have an INFJ son who is now 18- I actually get along with him surprisingly well and I think it's because I was so horrible myself, I understood where he was coming from when he'd get hung up on certain things and I could cut a lot of it off at the pass (before it escalated to how I behaved myself as a teenager). Most- if not all- the bad behavior/attitude was aimed at my parents. I could come up with a bullet point list of the big 'uns, but specific questions would yield a faster response.
eta, worth mentioning: I'm actually female, though my avi/username would suggest otherwise.
I excelled academically...far above my peers and was quiet/well behaved at school so I can see how someone looking at the INFJ child from a distance might see us/them as cooperative and pleasant. I changed somewhere in mid to late teens and became far more sensitive and developed over the top empathy for others but before that in just about every way I was like a sort of asshole INTP with very low Fe and high Ti which runs contrary to how it is said that functions develop.
Tendancies:
8) Not creating clear enough boundaries for people around them - there's a tendancy to respond to those who are most actively demanding attention, especially when younger. Also the need to be sure that they've looked at everything from all angles, made a correct assessment of all possible motivations and exhausted what they can do to impact the situation before really drawing a hard and fast line. I think this improves with age.
9) Find it difficult to assess when is the time to make a Big Deal out of something - Their reaction to something really depends on the other person's response. They may find it easy to forgive something or deal with it on their own if the person recognizes that they are making a concession. If the person trivializes or continues on with more of the same behaviour, it's the last straw (in a very big load of straws!) and the other examples of where they have seen the same behaviour will be brought up.
10) Hate being not in control of their emotions, yet sometimes underestimate how strong those emotions are till they are swamped by them. - (Note, not a good time for Ts to talk about how over-sensitive and emotional they are, as they despise being that way and are already terribly embarrassed).
11) Get less receptive to advice if the other person tries to skip over the venting that they need to do in order to bleed off excess emotion or when they feel the person hasn't taken enough time to understand the situation. Often their solutions are gained primarily from discussion with someone, not from getting the answers from someone.
12) Sometimes have a hard time recognizing when they need to pull back or give less so that they can continue doing so cheerfully. This seems to be the case especially with Ts.