Oh man...I'd been doubting whether I've been truly INFJ for a while, but almost all of this seems to hit the nail right on the head for me. (You'll have to forgive my lack of eloquence in this post; I'm still kinda 'waking up', y'see. ^^;; )
1)Delayed processing time - INFJs often seem to be basing their responses to the person in question on the last interaction they had with them, more often than the current one. They prefer to have time to think things over, which is why it's not a great idea to try to push an INFJ into making a decision before they feel they have had enough time to mull everything that has been brought up.
Hmm...this doesn't seem to ring as distinctly to me, but I do know of some instances where I'll be like "Oh man, I should've said that!" after an argument.
2) Need for resolution - What may look to some like being nitpicky or unforgiving or even holding onto the past often has more to do with their need to get everything put away in it's proper place before closing the chapter on it. Without doing so, it keeps coming up again and again.
Oh my god, this. I often find myself dwelling on past wrongs in my childhood, such as being constantly put in the time-out chair, or the harrows of being put through occupational therapy, or etc. I'll often bring it up with discussion with my parents, and they'll become irritated with me because they think I'm trying to dredge up their guilt or something. ._. Which I'm not; I'm just trying to get it in a comfortable place in my head, and every time they react negatively to my desire to discuss it, it only makes things worse.
3) Considering every hobby, person or idea expressed as an extension of themselves - INFJs tend to be very self-protective, and rarely bring something up unless they have already implemented it into their main framework of thought or affection. Therefore when any of these things are dismissed or mocked, they will feel it as a personal rejection, unlike someone who tends to verbalize new ideas out loud. Similarly, INFJs will sometimes be confused by someone who seemed committed to a thought or a plan, only to abandon it later.
I've realized lately I feel better if I don't tell people about my plans or ideas; mainly because I'm afraid it's gonna be used against me if it turns out to not be the case. For example, last night I was walking outside and I heard all the leaves outside crinkling and popping. I thought...maybe they were toads hopping around? So I decided to go inside and grab a flashlight to see if that was a case. My mom asked me what I was doing, and I didn't want to tell her that I was "going to see if there were toads", because I didn't want to have to deal with explaining to her that they weren't toads if I found out otherwise. Instead, I kinda brushed her off; then when I came back, I told her what I had seen and what I had been doing AFTER the fact.
Also, I tend to grow attached to movies and characters on a visceral level; it's kind of a matter of just seeing them in action, and then all of a sudden the character becomes incorporated into my mental archetype. It's not a matter of "Ooh, I like this character because they're strong and because they looked awesome when they beat up the villain!", but rather on a more "I keep thinking about this character...I wonder why?" kinda level. If someone bashes that movie (or the character), I will often become VERY argumentative. Like, for instance, someone was about to talk about the alternate ending of Sucker Punch, and they were implicating that the character of Babydoll (whom I strongly relate to and have unintentionally come to use as an avatar) was much weaker than in the theatrical release. Instead of having a calm debate with them about it (perhaps because I was already in a foul mood), I instead kept yelling as loudly as was socially appropriate "We are NOT talking about this! We are NOT talking about this!" until they took a hint and shut up about it.
4) Dislike of emotional surprises - this leads INFJs to sometimes inconvenience others in their effort to know what to expect. I'm fine with a change of plans, but find it harder to quickly adjust to someone's sudden annoyance, to a change in something I had really been hoping for/counting on etc. Makes me more likely to try to be the one to take on any inconvenience because that is more predictable. I also tend to need to watch a situation for awhile (either social or skillwise) before I am comfortable jumping in. I think with maturity we can become less focussed on their own reactions and feelings and also realize that someone else being upset is not the very worst that can happen. Sometimes avoiding that happening actually creates more conflict.
Yeah, I *hate* it when I don't realize I've stepped on someone's toes. It led me to consciously avoid stepping on people's toes as much as possible, to the point where I ended up becoming NEUROTIC about it. However...nowadays I realized it just isn't worth it, and that my sanity is worth more than avoiding a few toe-stompings. (Hence if I feel REALLY strongly about something, I will be more honest and demanding about it, rather than going about it in a way that puts me perpetually at the other person's mercy.)
5) Hold those close to them to a higher degree of accountability than those that are less important to them - This may seem judgemental and unfair, but because those close to them are an extension of their own self, integrity is paramount to them and they choose to invest heavily in a few close relationships, they expect more of those people than they do of casual acquaintance friends. When they feel you are worth risking conflict with and you start hearing the negatives about yourself as well as the positives, you're in!
I dunno about this one...all I can say is that I get worried if I don't hear my closest people lodge the occasional complaint about me. At the same time, I know they're gonna think I'm a complete weirdo if I ask them "Is there anything you'd like for me to change about my behavior?" ._. But yeah...
6) Easily embarrassed and quite private - May mean that they take awhile before talking about something that is painful to them. This doesn't mean they don't care about the support you could give them. It's just that they need to get it thought out in a framework and untangled before they are ready to be more open. I tend to talk about it more after I think I'm going to be alright.
Eh...this might not be the case for me. Sometimes I'll wait to talk about something if I'm concerned about being judged for it, because people will often want to project their own advice onto me (even when I'm not asking for their own advice, but rather for their APPROVAL on my desired course of action, even if I haven't outright indicated that's what I've been looking for).
7) Long gaps in correspondance or putting off a job that matters a lot - This seems to be linked to wanting to do an excellent job of it and feeling overwhelmed by the amount of time or effort or organization required. The longer it is put off, the worse we feel. As a result, it is usually my most valued friends that I correspond with least. Usually I try to overcome this by phoning them, catching up on the bulk of it, and then writing the rest.
HOLY CRAP THIS IS ME. I'll tend to procrastinate if I don't feel perfectly "up for the task". This can be problematic when it comes to getting school assignments done...or doing favors for other people. Someone asked me to do a drawing for them as a favor over a week ago, and despite the minimal effort I could get away with putting into it, I still find myself going "Eh...it'll look half-a$$ed if I try to do it right now." and then putting it off and just making myself feel guilty whenever that person nags me to do it. ._.
8) Not creating clear enough boundaries for people around them - there's a tendancy to respond to those who are most actively demanding attention, especially when younger. Also the need to be sure that they've looked at everything from all angles, made a correct assessment of all possible motivations and exhausted what they can do to impact the situation before really drawing a hard and fast line. I think this improves with age.
Yeah...I actually have had some significant conflict with a fellow INFJ over this. His behavior makes me feel that I'm being depended upon to keep him sane...but his conversations are so one-sided that I find myself DRAINED by them. I'd tried to be understanding, up to a point where he said something that sounded borderline possessive, at which point I suddenly snapped and almost shut him completely out of my life. We still talk...but I make sure to keep it blatantly clear that he can't depend on me as his sole source of support, and that I can't "solve his problems for him".
9) Find it difficult to assess when is the time to make a Big Deal out of something - Their reaction to something really depends on the other person's response. They may find it easy to forgive something or deal with it on their own if the person recognizes that they are making a concession. If the person trivializes or continues on with more of the same behaviour, it's the last straw (in a very big load of straws!) and the other examples of where they have seen the same behaviour will be brought up.
See #8
10) Hate being not in control of their emotions, yet sometimes underestimate how strong those emotions are till they are swamped by them. - (Note, not a good time for Ts to talk about how over-sensitive and emotional they are, as they despise being that way and are already terribly embarrassed).
Every time I go to a party, I always FREAK OUT simply because I'm worried about freaking out in the first place. xD; Vicious cycles are vicious.
11) Get less receptive to advice if the other person tries to skip over the venting that they need to do in order to bleed off excess emotion or when they feel the person hasn't taken enough time to understand the situation. Often their solutions are gained primarily from discussion with someone, not from getting the answers from someone.
Yeah, if I feel like a person is trying to "get my venting over with" and skip right to offering their advice, I'll start to hold a grudge against them... And yeah, I feel like my best solutions/ideas come from hearing myself consciously express my ideas rather than from the input of others.
12) Sometimes have a hard time recognizing when they need to pull back or give less so that they can continue doing so cheerfully. This seems to be the case especially with Ts.
Yeah. I can't seem to tell when I've put enough effort into something, often at the cost of my own mental sanity... ._.
13) Tendancy to be poor with paperwork, locating items quickly under pressure - I've largely solved this by having a big lanyard for my keys, carrying a decent sized purse and having a file folder that things go into immediately.
Yes. Me too. I like filling out certain kinds of forms because the process of informational analysis is kinda fun, but I hate having to try and figure out the organizational parameters...
14) Am a responder more than an initiator - as a result I've missed out on many good friendships. I've learned that people respond much more warmly when you go out on a limb and make the first move. I've been working to actively improve this.
Yeah, I've had to learn this as well. It's like...I've learned it's better to make an overture to a friendship and risk them thinking you're too intense, rather than have them not notice you at all. Who knows? They might be waiting for
you to make the first move!
15) Not good at paying attention to detail (in my environment, and in instructions) - This is why I try to stock a lot of sensors in my life. They are happy to fill in my gaps and give me reminders when needed. They also tend to think in terms of smaller practical details that must be attented to.
I wish I were more attentive to my personal hygiene...I'm not a disgusting freak, but I often tend to come off as a bit frumpy, being lazy and just throwing on a hoodie and glasses, but I'll sometimes decide to go all-out and dress in my 'residual self-image' of wearing a black tanktop and cargo pants, and popping my contacts in.
16) My intimidation by Te, and some oversensitivity leads me to sometimes not express my opinions when I should - working on this one. Thinking it out ahead of time helps.
Uh...huh?? *shot*
17) Over-indulgent when under stress - eat bad food and buy make-up/magazines that I don't need - Am working to replace these responses with exercise, drinking water etc.
Eh...I probably could eat more
healthily than I do.