faultyideal
New member
- Joined
- Mar 8, 2009
- Messages
- 18
- MBTI Type
- INFx
- Enneagram
- 4w5
This may be a longish post. I have always swung back and forth between being completely sure and completely confused about my Enneagram type. I usually end up pretty sure that I'm a type 4, even a 4w5. But sometimes I don't know if I'm actually a type 9. All I ever really have settled on is that I'm a withdrawn type. I do know that I'm an INFP at least, which I know usually correlates with the E9 and occasionally with E4.
Fours withdraw into a romanticized and idealized fantasy world where they like to imagine what kind of a life they would prefer to be living rather than the real one they actually have.
Whenever I withdraw, my fantasies usually center around being an artist of some sort(ranging from writer, singer, guitar hero, actor, screenwriter, visual artist, etc.) or in a romantic fantasy with whatever girl currently has my attention. Or I'm some sort of wanderer, traveling by foot to see whatever beauty I can find in the world, or traveling in a boat at sea by myself
Nines withdraw into a safe and carefree inner sactum where they can keep their peace of mind and entertain comforting thoughts about themselves. Nines can have problems concentrating because their attention can easily get distracted and drift off when they become bored or anxious.
I do entertain comforting thoughts about myself, just as easily as I entertain UNcomforting thoughts about myself. And I will admit I probably have ADD. But the peace of mind thing I don't get. I try to remain peaceful outwardly but inside it's a torrential downpour of dark emotion.
Type Four's Key Motivations: Want to be themselves, express themselves in something beautiful, find ideal partner, withdraw to protect their feelings, take care of emotional needs before attending to anyone else
I want to express myself but I'm afraid I my expressions will be ridiculed or looked down upon or something of that manner. As a consequence, I find the only way I can express myself is indirectly. Potentially, instead of rambling until someone gets how I feel, I want to be able to make something amazing (song, painting) to express me, something other than me to explain how I feel. Something people can analyze themselves and understand.
I am constantly on the search of someone who understands me without judging me. And as far as the emotional needs thing, I haven't gone to classes for the last like week because I've just felt too drained or whatever, I have just slept instead of gone.
Type Nine's Key Motivations: To have serenity and peace of mind, to create harmony in the environment, preserve things the way they are, avoid conflicts and tension, escape upsetting problems and demands on them
I hate conflicts, but when push comes to shove, I will easily air grievances, sometimes riddled with sarcastic and biting remarks. I hate it that, when I'm feeling bad and just want to sit and stare for a few hours, people try to make me do stuff or get out of the house to have fun/get things done.
Also, who doesn't want to avoid obligations put on them? (see aforementioned skippage of classes lol)
E4 is disconnected with both parents while E9 is connected to both
My childhood was a happy one from what I remember. I knew my parents loved me and I loved them. However I always received guilt trips whenever they blamed (rightly) any injuries my little brother received on me (I mean come on, was it really my fault that he flipped out of that stroller and busted his head open on the concrete floor? I was only spinning him around in it. My parents should have been watching us more and telling me not to do that... oh wait, they were).
I definitely didn't agree with them constantly saying I was the smartest, the most handsome, the funniest kid out of them all. And I didn't like how they tried to groom me into being a scientist or mathematician with their study cards. I'd rather be an actor, I started acting when I was in kindergarten, acting sick that is.
Another problem was their growing dependence on alcohol. At night they would drink and sit in front of the T.V. getting louder and louder, not out of anger but out of happiness, laughing at comedians or cheering for the football team. I would then walk to my room and play by myself. I didn't want to be anything like them, but at the same time thought they were amazing.
Fours withdraw into a romanticized and idealized fantasy world where they like to imagine what kind of a life they would prefer to be living rather than the real one they actually have.
Whenever I withdraw, my fantasies usually center around being an artist of some sort(ranging from writer, singer, guitar hero, actor, screenwriter, visual artist, etc.) or in a romantic fantasy with whatever girl currently has my attention. Or I'm some sort of wanderer, traveling by foot to see whatever beauty I can find in the world, or traveling in a boat at sea by myself
Nines withdraw into a safe and carefree inner sactum where they can keep their peace of mind and entertain comforting thoughts about themselves. Nines can have problems concentrating because their attention can easily get distracted and drift off when they become bored or anxious.
I do entertain comforting thoughts about myself, just as easily as I entertain UNcomforting thoughts about myself. And I will admit I probably have ADD. But the peace of mind thing I don't get. I try to remain peaceful outwardly but inside it's a torrential downpour of dark emotion.
Type Four's Key Motivations: Want to be themselves, express themselves in something beautiful, find ideal partner, withdraw to protect their feelings, take care of emotional needs before attending to anyone else
I want to express myself but I'm afraid I my expressions will be ridiculed or looked down upon or something of that manner. As a consequence, I find the only way I can express myself is indirectly. Potentially, instead of rambling until someone gets how I feel, I want to be able to make something amazing (song, painting) to express me, something other than me to explain how I feel. Something people can analyze themselves and understand.
I am constantly on the search of someone who understands me without judging me. And as far as the emotional needs thing, I haven't gone to classes for the last like week because I've just felt too drained or whatever, I have just slept instead of gone.
Type Nine's Key Motivations: To have serenity and peace of mind, to create harmony in the environment, preserve things the way they are, avoid conflicts and tension, escape upsetting problems and demands on them
I hate conflicts, but when push comes to shove, I will easily air grievances, sometimes riddled with sarcastic and biting remarks. I hate it that, when I'm feeling bad and just want to sit and stare for a few hours, people try to make me do stuff or get out of the house to have fun/get things done.
Also, who doesn't want to avoid obligations put on them? (see aforementioned skippage of classes lol)
E4 is disconnected with both parents while E9 is connected to both
My childhood was a happy one from what I remember. I knew my parents loved me and I loved them. However I always received guilt trips whenever they blamed (rightly) any injuries my little brother received on me (I mean come on, was it really my fault that he flipped out of that stroller and busted his head open on the concrete floor? I was only spinning him around in it. My parents should have been watching us more and telling me not to do that... oh wait, they were).
I definitely didn't agree with them constantly saying I was the smartest, the most handsome, the funniest kid out of them all. And I didn't like how they tried to groom me into being a scientist or mathematician with their study cards. I'd rather be an actor, I started acting when I was in kindergarten, acting sick that is.
Another problem was their growing dependence on alcohol. At night they would drink and sit in front of the T.V. getting louder and louder, not out of anger but out of happiness, laughing at comedians or cheering for the football team. I would then walk to my room and play by myself. I didn't want to be anything like them, but at the same time thought they were amazing.