To Fidelia and MDP2525: I'm really sorry... both of your situations suck. I know you're the ones who are supposed to be asking the questions, but do you think that ALL ESTJs are inherently selfish? Or have you both just had bad times with unhealthy ESTJs?
I get to answer a question?
No. I would never say that ALL ESTJ's are inherently selfish. Nor do I believe it. I can only speak for the one I know. I'm sure I've interacted with ESTJ's in real world situations being there is so many of them. In fact, I think my boss is one. I have had no problems with them. 1) Logical thinkers? Check. 2) Get it done attitude? Check. 3) Does it make sense? Yes or no? Check 4) If you stand your ground and have logical reasons why you think they're wrong - they seem to listen! Check. How can I NOT like that? lol.
But working together and a romance are very different things. My ESTJ may not have answered my questions but he still communicates with me. I can't fault that. I can't control it. I can just take his non-answer as an answer and continue what was a good friendship regardless.
However, I think ESTJ's can rationalize and compartmentalize their emotions so well that they really almost live a double life. One where they are responsible, good friends, charming, and all that. The other life isn't seen by many except closest to their hearts, but when it does need to show itself, their emotions can be so underdeveloped from being put away layer upon layer for so long that it is almost traumatic for them to deal with.
To use an analogy: Their emotions become like a messy closet. Ever present but ignored completely when the door is shut. Open the door up and it's an overwhelming sight for the ESTJ, who, when faced with such a mess doesn't know where to find anything and can't identify anything. It's much easier to shut the door and be looking at a nice, clean room. Ya know?
Anyway, that's what I see in this particular ESTJ. I consider him a bit unhealthy - yes. lol. But overall a genuine and good person.