CAUTION: INFJish WORD VOMIT AHEAD!
(I hate myself)
Don' do that
NOTE: No human should ever cause another human THIS much confusion. ENTPs, why do you continue to confuse/enthrall me?
Probably because we're confused about ourselves. We're not causing confusion on purpose. We just try and try and try things out until something sticks.
Sigh.
I want to ask how you know for sure an ENTP loves you... (I'm talkin' romantic love) ...
IF the ENTP has been horribly hurt in the realm of love
AND
is a young ENTP (20, aka immature!) trying to establish his sense of identity if the world (in college, not near me at the moment) ...
my gut feeling in general has been: He loves me. Our relationship is near epic proportions. I cannot deny it anymore, I cannot say less than I am in love with this person. It is that mythical rare transcendent/transcendental/cosmic/relationship that you doubt will ever happen to you again.
The first time we hung out, we spent 12 hours talking (dusk to dawn... this subsequently happened many more times!)... we barely knew each other previous to this. My intuition was FORCING me to meet this person who was actually interested in my friend at the time I forced myself to meet him.
When I talk to him/am with him, my gut says: He loves me! It is established I am his best friend, even though he has an absurd amount of "friends". He only goes to school about 30 minutes away and sees his other friends (almost always guys, and no close girl friends) from back home, but I have not seen him in six months.
My INFJ sensibility tells me he is purposefully keeping a distance so as to preserve what we have... Preserving in a vaccuum sealed glass jar and putting it on a self... only opening it in case of dire need (aka those times when the ENTP is alone, those rare occasions, and his deepest thoughts surface... those are the times we come in contact) School is keeping him super stimulated and active, and in typical ENTP fashion he is great at compartmentalizing his life. It should be noted he told me that while this has been the best year of his life, and school is fantastic, he feels like there is something missing, and that something is me! (Which apparently is a big deal to say...)
What? He SAYS he's missing you? I mean, litterally? How more clear can you be?
Now I'm confused... I'm thinking you're reading too much in this. He probably doesn't realise he's sending out hints and conflicting messages. ENTPs are not subtle.
Essentially, the intimacy of our "relationship" and the amount we are in contact (in any form) has an indirect relationship. This leads us to INTENSE catching up when we do talk, and little time for normal, day to day activities. Instead, it feels like the fabric of space-time is reordering itself.
That's probably because space-time is reordering itself all the time.
To me this makes NO sense, but the words from the horses mouth have been "I'm going to let you down (whatever that means)" "I fear attachment/dependency on someone" . This horse does not lose his cool. ever. Nor does he shower me with platitudes (thank goodness!). He monitors every word so as not to slip up and show vulnerability (only in regard to being open emotionally).
My theory is that I could hurt him the most, so what he does is keep me as far away as possible, though of course, I do know he thinks about me often. Those who he is with the most are those with whom his attachments are either not romantic or not "soul shaking-ly" deep, but fun and easy to manage. I recently spoke to him on the phone and he off handed-ly let me know he hasn't done anything physically with anyone in college yet (not even a kiss!) which i find strange because traditionally girls fawn over him, because he's that guy who is unconditionally nice to everyone and Mr. Amiable and Hilarious.
I have noticed this with other ENTPs as well actually. They tend to "save" their best friends... if that makes sense. My best friend (girl) is also an ENTP, and she said (referring to my "role" in the ENTP life) "when an ENTP wants to hang out with you, they REALLY want to hang out with you... they are saving you for a time when they know they can be wholly devoted to being with you." I'm being USED for my spiritual/emotional support which actually helps shape the framework of their lives...
In this last paragraph I recognize myself again. I'm busy with everything at once. When I'm in company, I always feel like I'm failing them, like I should devote ALL my attention to them. I never can be as good a friend to others as others are to me. Then I think my friends deserve better friends than I can be to them.
Complicated isn't it?
Luckily, some people have taught me that I fulfill my friend's role in the best possible way, not by staying away, not by playing an act and be the loyal follower, but just by being myself. But that's hard.
ENTP?
Because you love him?
p.s. should i just try to exorcise this person from my thoughts?
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I'm going to give you a quite rash advice.
Say these things to him. Literally. Like:
"I love you. I want to know if you really love me?"
"Staying away because you love me doesn't make sense." (call on his Ti!)
"Do you really think you're doing me a favor by staying away? I would prefer that you keep on having contact, even if your attention goes half to other things."
"I'd prefer you next to me working on a crazy project all the time, than you keeping away except for these short and intense contacts."
"Not all our contacts have to be this intense, you know. I think you're afraid that, when you stay, that you'll have to keep your attention on me all the time. That's simply not true."
Well I'm just repeating some things I learnt along the way to love... They helped me, at least. I really hope you'll be able to help him.