ENFPs have an ironic attitude w/r to control. They don't actually want to be in control, yet they don't want to be dependent on others controlling things for them. If this dichotomy isn't resolved, it results in the ENFP having to put in lots of exertion of control at inconvenient times (for everyone), as nothing is actually under control. In other words, they get stuck with the more stressful task of putting out the fires that arise from lack of control, instead of the fairly mild task of just not letting things get out of hand in the first place.
They know this about themselves and very much would like for someone else to keep things under control for them, thus saving them from the stress of putting out fires, ... BUT doing so means letting that someone else have some degree of control, which they implicitly reject. Worse, they have unstated but very critical standards (inferior Si) by which they judge the "incompetence" Amar mentions above.
This can be a source of tension between ENFPs and the J types to which they are attracted. Note that I'm not saying all ENFPs are like this at an extreme level, but they do all have the inner tension of this dichotomy, of wanting to not have to take care of things themselves, but also wanting to avoid depending on others to take care of those things for them.
Funny thing is I've realised that all I need to do is go into my 'leadership' style to figure it out - delegate as it were. The one thing I *am* good at is knowing who is good at what and giving them the autonomy and freedom to just do what comes naturally to them. Meanwhile, it allows me to do the same - and maintain my precious freedom while still addressing what needs doing.
[MENTION=20044]calb[/MENTION]: It can be. It depends on the person involved, the area they're trusted with and the degree of vulnerability they get access to. I tend to be *extremely* careful about who gets to touch my body as it is - chances are that that man will get vetted for more. If he expresses a wish for control over me and he has earned my utmost trust (otherwise I wouldn't date him at this point) and I judge his request to be within his realm of competence, he will receive permission to do what he wants. That implies he knows me so well that I don't have to worry about him traumatising me or breaking my trust in some way - or take advantage of me.
Believe me, a man like that will undergo my version of a full psych eval and more. At this point, I tend to *know* who touches me - and what leeway they are capable of handling.
Part of me yearns for someone like that at times - someone who knows me so well, who sees that managing the outside world is such a burden to me and who enjoys doing it himself. Someone who realises what they are capable of and will put my welfare above all else - including his own ego, yet realises that I in the same turn will do the same for him and let him explore the darker sides of his ego by allowing him to do things that society perhaps would damn him for, to me. I'll flex and bend for his pleasure and desires, if he protects and cares for me.
That same person might not get the green light in other areas where I feel he isn't versed enough yet or matured enough yet to handle what is asked of him. Ultimately though, it's my body and therefore my call (and his to decide if he wants to part take or not, of course.) And that is the point.