I’ve since come to understand that I was looking at things the wrong way. I was assuming that everyone thought like me. This was such a fundamental assumption for me that it had never even occurred to me that there was another way to think about love.
Excellent you see this now. This is where MBTI / personality style discussions really offer value. It is refreshing to gain insight into the generalized uniqueness of us all.
...I don`t think it would work out with an S in the long run. I want someone who will understand me like I really am, not just my top layer.
Don't start me on another rant: love ≠ preferred "type". I have been married to an ESTJ for 20+ years, and cutting potential mates from your list because of their "type" is short-sighted at best.
There's a book dedicated to this called the 5 Love Languages. While it seems true that SJs will prefer acts of services as their top 3. It could be based on a completely off-base stereotype.
It is a good book though, and it's a good mention in this thread.
And in response to the OP:
I always chewed on the question from a different perspective. Specifically, how come I "adapt" myself to the world but no one "adapts" to me? I often felt like the communication chameleon; I would read the situation, adapt my body language and verbal style to the person or group. It's instantaneous; I do it without even trying, and it used to make me feel a little less defined, like I had less of a unique identity or character than other people.
After all, why do I bend and adapt to them? Why do they not read me and try to emulate me in order to foster relationships between us? Then, in learning about MBTI I had an "aha" moment. A very affirming one.
Now, I see this ability as a huge asset, and I would suggest you look at it the same way. What a wonderful gift you have, that you can see and sense what is required in order to communicate effectively with a variety of types and you can offer that up at a moment's notice! Sure, I hear what you are saying, you feel alone sometimes in that ... space. But you need to realize that rather than a burden it's a life-affirming gift, and if that means you feel the occasional isolation from it, that's a small price to pay, no?
There are, after all, pros and cons to everything.