substitute
New member
- Joined
- May 27, 2007
- Messages
- 4,601
- MBTI Type
- ENTP
I've been reading here and there where other types (particularly F's and S's) talk about ENTP's and saying that we're generally forceful, aggressive and assertive, implying it in a bad way.
This strikes me as odd, because I've never thought of myself as an aggressive person. Assertive, certainly - I will be outspoken about things that piss me off, and I can be persuasive and I admit, manipulative too at times.
However, the last thing that's ever on my mind is actually forcing people to do or think anything. Sometimes I do express myself perhaps more openly and assertively than some other people do, but it's not because I'm trying to force or persuade - I'm trying to be as clear as possible and I want people to push back and tell me things 'in no uncertain terms'. If they have a problem I want them to voice it, and if they voice it, I want to listen and understand and make any necessary changes to help them. When I ask 'What is your problem?' it's out of curiosity, not aggression or defensiveness.
One of the things that frustrates me most about a friendship I have with an INFJ woman, is when things go all awry because apparently, something I've been doing has been upsetting her, but I've not known because she hasn't told me, so I've kept on doing it. I ask her in exasperation why on earth she didn't just say if she had a problem, and she says she was worried that I'd get mad or annoyed at her, and yet when she finally does say what the problem was, I always concede that she has a point, and apologise, and do what I can do improve things in the future, so I really don't know where she gets this idea from that I'm so aggressive and unapproachable...
But, come to think of it, it seems the only people I can really rely on in my life to give me honest feedback in clear and unambiguous terms, without pulling punches (the way I like it) are two ENTJ's and an INTJ... and they don't exactly have great reputations for tact either...
I'd be really interested to hear about other people's experiences with ENTP's and how we come across, as I fear some of it may be lost in translation and I'd like to be able to communicate with the people I know in a way that doesn't make them afraid of me! And I'd also like to know what ways I could use to more effectively get clear and honest feedback from the gentler types... after all, if the only frank advice I'm getting is from similarly assertive types, then it won't help me in dealing with the others and just might exacerbate the problem (if there even is one).
This strikes me as odd, because I've never thought of myself as an aggressive person. Assertive, certainly - I will be outspoken about things that piss me off, and I can be persuasive and I admit, manipulative too at times.
However, the last thing that's ever on my mind is actually forcing people to do or think anything. Sometimes I do express myself perhaps more openly and assertively than some other people do, but it's not because I'm trying to force or persuade - I'm trying to be as clear as possible and I want people to push back and tell me things 'in no uncertain terms'. If they have a problem I want them to voice it, and if they voice it, I want to listen and understand and make any necessary changes to help them. When I ask 'What is your problem?' it's out of curiosity, not aggression or defensiveness.
One of the things that frustrates me most about a friendship I have with an INFJ woman, is when things go all awry because apparently, something I've been doing has been upsetting her, but I've not known because she hasn't told me, so I've kept on doing it. I ask her in exasperation why on earth she didn't just say if she had a problem, and she says she was worried that I'd get mad or annoyed at her, and yet when she finally does say what the problem was, I always concede that she has a point, and apologise, and do what I can do improve things in the future, so I really don't know where she gets this idea from that I'm so aggressive and unapproachable...
But, come to think of it, it seems the only people I can really rely on in my life to give me honest feedback in clear and unambiguous terms, without pulling punches (the way I like it) are two ENTJ's and an INTJ... and they don't exactly have great reputations for tact either...
I'd be really interested to hear about other people's experiences with ENTP's and how we come across, as I fear some of it may be lost in translation and I'd like to be able to communicate with the people I know in a way that doesn't make them afraid of me! And I'd also like to know what ways I could use to more effectively get clear and honest feedback from the gentler types... after all, if the only frank advice I'm getting is from similarly assertive types, then it won't help me in dealing with the others and just might exacerbate the problem (if there even is one).