sculpting
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- Joined
- Jan 28, 2009
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- 4,148
Oh Luna, I wish I could come give you a hug. You are very brave and the fact that you keep trying to move forward and work through everything is so awesome.
As for anorexia-I have an INTJ friend who was anorexic. It almost destroyed her marriage. Her husband loved her, but he couldnt handle the destruction he saw her going through.
Anorexia is a weird control issue as I understand it. When a junior in high school I spent an entire year eating only apples and diet coke and doing sit ups all the time. For some reason I thought I was fat-I am really skinny actually. I knew at the time it was really bizarre but in my mind it felt so comforting that I could control a certain aspect of my life. I developed a goal and could stick to that goal. I could check things off of a list.
At the time many aspects of my life were out of my control or I was not doing well at them. In particular I had wanted to be a horse trainer but I was so absent minded I would leave the water running all night or foget to untie the horses. I was left feeling I was too incompatent to do the only thing I had ever dreamed of doing. The apples, oddly, gave me an aspect of life I could control in a regimented way.
I have seen your write in other places about things I can identify and I bet other enfps may have seen at times in their lives-the negative inner voice, the self doubt. I also sometimes feel feelings of being horrifically flawed internally-like I am some sort of monster-yet none of it makes any logical sense at all. But it doesnt change how I FEEL. I feel like a horrible failure.
I started the "how are you feeling " thread as I figured I needed to try and write down what I was feeling so I could learn to analyze and understand it-but as I did that it got easier to actually feel and understand. Once I started doing that-well none of those feelings seem that entirely weird or flawed. I dont understand why I would think/feel they were flawed or not want to shre them.
I dont know why I feel all of these things but they seem to echo what some other enfps feel, so it makes me want to look for a theme and try and understand it. Maybe it falls under BPD but I hate that term as it is so negative-like NPD. I'd prefer to have a jungian term that explains the structure of why we do the things we do, and then propses solutions based upon those mechanisms.
Anyways hugs for you as the whole point of all this ^^^ rambling-you arent alone, we feel a lot of the same stuff as you do. hugs.
As for anorexia-I have an INTJ friend who was anorexic. It almost destroyed her marriage. Her husband loved her, but he couldnt handle the destruction he saw her going through.
Anorexia is a weird control issue as I understand it. When a junior in high school I spent an entire year eating only apples and diet coke and doing sit ups all the time. For some reason I thought I was fat-I am really skinny actually. I knew at the time it was really bizarre but in my mind it felt so comforting that I could control a certain aspect of my life. I developed a goal and could stick to that goal. I could check things off of a list.
At the time many aspects of my life were out of my control or I was not doing well at them. In particular I had wanted to be a horse trainer but I was so absent minded I would leave the water running all night or foget to untie the horses. I was left feeling I was too incompatent to do the only thing I had ever dreamed of doing. The apples, oddly, gave me an aspect of life I could control in a regimented way.
I have seen your write in other places about things I can identify and I bet other enfps may have seen at times in their lives-the negative inner voice, the self doubt. I also sometimes feel feelings of being horrifically flawed internally-like I am some sort of monster-yet none of it makes any logical sense at all. But it doesnt change how I FEEL. I feel like a horrible failure.
I started the "how are you feeling " thread as I figured I needed to try and write down what I was feeling so I could learn to analyze and understand it-but as I did that it got easier to actually feel and understand. Once I started doing that-well none of those feelings seem that entirely weird or flawed. I dont understand why I would think/feel they were flawed or not want to shre them.
I dont know why I feel all of these things but they seem to echo what some other enfps feel, so it makes me want to look for a theme and try and understand it. Maybe it falls under BPD but I hate that term as it is so negative-like NPD. I'd prefer to have a jungian term that explains the structure of why we do the things we do, and then propses solutions based upon those mechanisms.
Anyways hugs for you as the whole point of all this ^^^ rambling-you arent alone, we feel a lot of the same stuff as you do. hugs.