You sound like you have a level head on your shoulders. Use it wisely. Ranting is an excellent way to diffuse energy, but sometimes it can be a leak in the pipes. When there's a leak, the machine doesn't function with the same persistence or conviction. In other words, sometimes you must simply act upon something that bothers you rather than dumping your energy elsewhere.
Agreed with your entire post, especially this. I actually thought of it in a very similar way while pondering the actions I could take regarding this situation. Ranting really is a release of the steam in the hydraulic tank. There's a benefit to "storing it up" but I honestly don't know how much more of that my cardiovascular system can take. Honestly,
I can't even begin to count how many times in a day I feel a clutching stress grab my heart like a vice. I know many people have bigger problems than me (and I'm grateful that this is the most I have to bitch about), but sometimes the workload of 20 credits, combined with almost perpetual creative block, mixed in with a dose of depression is enough to completely stress me out. Then, I can't even listen to some music to unwind...that's just the icing on the cake, ya know?
I mean, technically, you're not living in your own property. You're over 18, and your parents have every right to kick your ass out. Until you get out, they're probably just going to treat you like a wall fixture or something. Not to be mean, but seriously.
You don't even have the right to lock your door because, once again, it's not your property unless that privilege has been granted to you by the owner. The only thing you own is your body, unless you pay rent. Do something with your body, make some art, sell it. Solve the problem instead of analyzing it to death.
I've heard this before, and really I don't understand it. Just because they pay the bills and own the property gives them the right to provide me no privacy? No respect? No socially accepted politeness? This view seems to be highly influenced by American cultural thought on private property rights.
Yes, my father works to pay the bills and the property tax, so of course the house is in his name.
I respect that completely. That's why I do my best to respect my parents, even in heated conflict. I never lose it and swear at them or make insane demands or whatever. I always let them in my room ASAP...I just appreciate a polite, 3 second gesture of a knock-knock-knock!
There seems to be a permeating sense of "I own this house/land/building, follow my orders or GTFO my property" in this God-damned country. The fact of the matter is, nobody owns sh*t! This house is a wood and concrete cube built on a plot of land. Yes, my father pays the bills. Yes, the title is in his name. But does that automatically allow my parents to deny me de facto rules of respect? I highly doubt it.
See, I
choose to respect them, not because the law says it's their property, but because I love them, am grateful for the care they have provided over the years, and feel that mutual respect amongst humans is the most productive, cheerful way to go throughout life. When that attitude is not reciprocated (especially when my mother does not reciprocate because of blatant selfishness and arrogance), then I start to get upset.
I see what you're saying, but I'd challenge you to take a step back and re-establish the foundation of your argument. Like I said, nobody owns sh*t. And when you pop out a kid, I figure you guarantee that child
some form of human dignity.
21% said:
does she just hate noise?
This.
21% said:
And find a way to move out as soon as possible...
My only suggestion is to set a date for moving out, and work quietly and steadily until that date. You can never truly be free in someone else's space. And when you have a date in mind - a goal to work toward - it will feel less oppressive since you know exactly when it is going to end.
I'm afraid the most you can do is count down the days till you go off to college. In the meantime, earphones are the only way to preserve your sanity. Unfortunately, as utterly unfair as it might seem, it's her roof/her rules.
EDIT: I just saw where you said you were turning 20. Is there some reason why you are unable to move out? (not judging)
I
was going to move out...but I let my flaws get the best of me. I had a full-time job, big plans, etc. But my financial mishandling and addictive personality had other things in store.
Here's the thing, it was a blessing that I got out of that job and into a community college. It was high stress -- my supervisor/main co-worker was an ex-methhead. He had transferred his addiction to opiates. I can tell more if you really care to hear, but I'll just leave it at this: NOT a good person for an INFP to be around.
I felt like I was walking on eggshells every day.
What was not a blessing was the way I managed my money. It was a big-time learning experience for me. Unfortunately, it set me back quite a bit.
Anyway, now I'm going to a local community college, trying to figure out what I want to do, and whether or not I am even meant for the educational system. Unless I land a scholarship, there will be no "going away to college." Which is fine, I'm not too concerned about that.
You could try buying headphones. Some of the more expensive ones have wonderful bass and sometimes sound canceling.
They can get uncomfortable after wearing for too long, but the sound quality is much better than with ear buds (at least IMO).
Earbuds, headphones, whatever, they're all the same. I like the perspective of hearing the sound come at me from a few feet away, and I like the gentle vibrations of the sound waves through my body. If you ask me, headphones/earbuds are for the bus, the library, or 2 AM. Not 2 PM in my bedroom!
It sounds a lot like the tension that results from being 19. You are pretty much ready to be living on your own, or to go away to school. These types of conflict will likely increase until you move out. But it isn't a bad thing because that day is coming soon.
You speak words of wisdom. I have come to accept this. I just wish my mother showed some mutual respect. I really do care about her, but it's hard to even be around her when she's a bitch all the time. I feel our relationship could be much better until the time I do move out.
jenocyde said:
I'm not sure where your father is in this equation, but do you think he would be willing to intercede on your behalf?
My father is excellent. Always knocks, only complains about music if it's far too loud, or rap. A good-hearted Fe, so he's good about providing the whole mutual respect thing.
He's confronted me about this and asked me to use my earbuds and whatnot (my mother complains to him about my noise, sometimes). I calmly explain the
actual scenario to him, and half the time there appears a look on his face that seems to say, "Wow...what is going on in this woman's head?"