Esoteric Wench
Professional Trickster
- Joined
- Dec 20, 2009
- Messages
- 945
- MBTI Type
- ENFP
- Enneagram
- 7w8
Hmm.. often hear an FJ will try and explain something to me and I dont acknowledge it-either I dont agree or I sincerely dont understand that a line was being drawn. So they get "louder" and eventually, by the time I notice there is an issue, are Fe screaming in frustration and really upset with me.
I suspect MIL is in a cycle kinda like this. I am not agreeing with her, but dont argue her judgment, and will counter her judgments with facts or observations rather than agree or ask questions. So she just keeps stating the judgments more and more bluntly....and I just withdraw more an more...thus she gets louder and louder...
To be honest, I don't even understand this 'getting louder' behavior. Is this just repeating what she's said previously because she thinks you aren't hearing/understanding what she's saying? And/or she doesn't like the responses you are giving or thinks based on what you're saying that you're not understanding her points?? Is this something you've encountered with other Fe's in your life, or is just your MIL? If the latter, I wouldn't even attribute to an Fe/Fi thing at all - sounds like her own behavioral pattern or something like that.
Actually even with the former, a behavior does not equal a cognitive function/focus/weighting process, either. So the act of getting more vocal/loud isn't tied directly to Fe OR Fi. ANY individual - no matter what their cognitive function makeup - could get louder or more frustrated if they feel communication/understanding isn't happening, and some people (Fe-ers or Fi-ers) will be liable to react to this by retreating (which would be your snail example, which is something that I would tend to do too), or else by becoming even more vocal/loud to match the original persons' loudness (which is something both my INFJ friend and her INTJ boyfriend do - both of them escalate into anger/offense when it comes to arguments or misunderstandings, whereas I'm opposite, I tend to withdraw and detach, etc). My point being - this interactional style/ conflict-resolution style goes beyond cog. functions and often ties into ones own trigger points and sensitivities and how they have learned to cope with those triggers.
I think I understand what Orobas means by "getting louder." I've noticed this kind of dynamic between Fe and Fi users before. However, it's not always the Fe user who gets louder. Fi users can get louder, too.
When I'm on the receiving end of an Fe user's increasingly loudness, it feels just as Orobas described it: It's sort of like the Fe user doesn't feel validated by my silence, or they think I missed the point and they get increasingly more and more blunt with me until they just boil over with anger toward me. (Whew that is always stressful when that happens. And I'm often completely surprised by the eruption coming my way.)
When the dynamic is reversed and I, an Fi user, is getting louder with an Fe user... well, it doesn't feel like I'm getting increasingly blunt. More like I'm getting increasingly "truthy." In other words, I ramp up my Fi truthiness activity to the point where I'm calling it like I see it, consequences be damned. (And, I can tell it's stressful to the Fe user, but it's like I can't stop what I'm doing.)
So I guess I agree with Cadesco that increasing loudness isn't necessarily related to cognitive functions. But it seems to me that the way increasing loudness manifests and the way it is received, IS related to cognitive function. As the stress increases, our cognitive functions sort of "run home to momma" and revert to just doing what they each do best... in this case of getting louder, Fe makes increasingly blunt statements about the situation as they see it, and Fi gets more truthy and authentic as it defines truth and authenticity.
For the person on the receiving end of the "loudness" there have to be differences, too. I'm not so sure I fully understand these. It seems like Fe users are far more likely to avoid confrontation via the avoid, the ignore, and the doorslam. I think Fi users are more likely to want to hash it out and clear the air. (I could be talking from my Te perspective here, but it feels right to me.)
Anyone have any thoughts on this? Does it ring true to you?