Yup.I consider only psychopaths to be too far gone. There can be old or young pyshcopaths. There can be socialized psychopaths who learn to work their power games within the limits of the rules and laws of their enviroment.
Yup.That said, I have come to the conclusion that people change their ways only in their own time. We have very little infuence over the actions of others. If they reach out for help, we can assist, but we also have to keep in mind that the person may not have yet reached that position of wanting to change or our way of trying to help them may not be what they need.
Yup.I consider very toxic the type of person who NEEDS to help others for ego glorification and to convince themselves of how utterly good a person they themselves are.
I look for optimizing emotional systems. Who can benefit the most from my time and energy? Whom do i benefit from? I no longer dismiss people entirely unless they are a threat to my survival. When younger and less secure i was more apt to run away from people who hurt me. With maturity my choices are more reasoned and deliberate. I can handle enough different scenarios and types of people to be a little less self-invested in the outcomes. I'm less afraid, so i can rely more on reason.It should be noted though that, even when I consider someone to be "too far gone", I don't consider this to be much of a hindrance to friendship. I just accept that those are the parameters of the friendship. It doesn't especially frustrate or irritate me, though it never ceases to puzzle me. I'm not sure if INFJs can do the same though - the ones I know would rather walk away from a friendship they have emotionally invested in with someone who refuses to be improved (or cannot improve them) rather than watch them stubbornly make the same mistakes. True, I don't know all that many INFJs, but it seems to be a constant with them. I'm not sure why it would be.
Yep.The people I consider too far gone are the ones who just won't take really really good advice that I know 100% is true, so stubborn and pig headed they are too far gone to reach.
In all situations that is what is at the core of it for me, someone is too far gone when it no longer serves a purpose to even try.
Yep.Well, I would say that a person is too far gone when they become too entrenched in a particular perspective, and cannot be reasoned with to see another, especially if it's on an issue where they have a very unusual or harmful perspective.
Very good.NF = The person's internal motivations are wrong and they are refusing to change into a better person -- they've made a commitment to stall their own growth. It's a commitment to selfishness. (Thus, they're "too far gone" to ever reach the self-awareness and openness needed to release their stubbornness and embrace the new path.)
Precisely.What Jenn said. Even if you could prove your point beyond all doubt, they still would not change their views because they don't want to change their views.
I suppose "too far gone" applies to my ability to reach them given my current resources.I generally do not believe that people are ever "too far gone" for help or change. I do often believe, however, that a person can only change himself; he is not "too far gone" to do so, even if it is unlikely that he will.
That's part of it too. I can't help them change, and they won't change themselves, so I have to stop actively caring whether or not they change. I have to stop letting their situation cause me worry or stress. They're "too far gone" for me to invest emotionally in. Too far gone for me to wade neck-deep into mud in order to try to coax them out. It's obvious they don't want to come out, or won't trust me to lead them out. I have to let go of the situation.For me it's the empathic thing. I can't bear to watch them suffer. I cannot stop the suffering. They can but will not, so I just have to be where I can't see it anymore.
It should be noted though that, even when I consider someone to be "too far gone", I don't consider this to be much of a hindrance to friendship. I just accept that those are the parameters of the friendship. It doesn't especially frustrate or irritate me, though it never ceases to puzzle me. I'm not sure if INFJs can do the same though - the ones I know would rather walk away from a friendship they have emotionally invested in with someone who refuses to be improved (or cannot improve them) rather than watch them stubbornly make the same mistakes. True, I don't know all that many INFJs, but it seems to be a constant with them. I'm not sure why it would be.
I am INFP and I have little room in my life for those I truly consider beyond hope, like psychopaths and drama junkies. Life is too short and I just don't have the energy. It is not so much people who won't "improve" themselves, but people who are truly destructive to self or others. I don't want their destruction coming into my life. I won't waste time on toxic vampires either.
I make every attempt to stick it out as long as I can because I hate ending relationships when I have made extraordinary efforts to cultivate them. However, my sympathy only lasts so long. If someone is given opportunities to change and doesn't, I become frustrated. If the negative choices they've made start to impinge upon my quality of life, I step back, sometimes completely removing myself from the situation. I hate to be so concerned with self-preservation, but the emotional toll others' problems have taken on me in the past have made me more cautious when I recognize a potentially harmful situation. I usually feel guilty when I disassociate with someone; for me to sever ties, the guilt must be less than the personal cost I'd incur by continuing the relationship.
On several occasions I've seen INFXs refer, with rue, to some people as being "too far gone". I'm curious: what, in your minds, makes a person "too far gone"?