I mean admitting where we are at is healthy, but only if we can acknowledge the falseness of how we feel sometimes-- like, "hey I just need you to know that I feel like you don't value me because of _________, though I know that's not true." Those kinds of statements just bring honesty and vulnerability to the table, and let you know that we are wrestling with it. We extend that kind of honesty when we are healthy as a valuable gem of trust, it's like letting our walls come down and allowing you to see the inner workings.
There is a large gap between emotional manipulation (crying, accusing etc) and simple communication. * You outlined it perfectly here.
This is exactly what I meant, and how I would approach it as well. I have never, in my life, gone to someone and started accusing them of things, the way [MENTION=17452]collierm48[/MENTION] has done to me, by assuming I'm jealous, stripping people of their happiness, and accusing my lovers of things, when all I said was that I am healthier when I can share my emotions.
Right there, [MENTION=17452]collierm48[/MENTION], instead of writing a speech about how I'm awful because I don't want others to be happy - and then saying terrible things about 4s on the whole, based on false presumptions about my post… if you had asked me to clarify - that might have opened the door for communication between us.
you're right. I assume things alot (in general) which really fucks me up. I do really appreciate you pointing that out
Glad if it helps.
Also for the record, I could not possibly assume you're gay because I have no idea what your gender is
But whether it's a friend or a boyfriend or what, the same applies. If you presume extra meaning in his words the way you did with me, and start accusing him of things, it isn't going to pave the way to healthy communication.
There's a huge difference between me misreading that it wasn't a relationship (especially when you were responding to my posts which were CLEARLY about relationships and you did not bother to correct me) - and what you did. My misconception there, could have been cleared up in one sentence, and was not an accusation against your character. All you had to say was "no it's a friend not a boyfriend." Okay, fixed. What you did to me, was much deeper extrapolation about the MEANING of my post, my character, how I behave, etc, which lead even FURTHER, to a presumption about ALL 4s, and ''4s suck" and more bullshit about 4s overall.. based on something you projected on me, which I didn't even say. That's very different than misreading a detail because I was talking about relationships and you were responding directly and not clearing it up.
And then, after that, you tell me I'm extrapolating? (Not just me, but ALL NFPs!!) Because I missed a detail, whereas you extrapolated information pertaining to my very character, and that of all 4s, and all NFPs. Yep, I'm the one who is extrapolating because I misread a detail which is actually quite irrelevant to the topic at hand.
Major projection here.
No you're wrong youre extrapolating from my tone in this conversation. Im just in a bad mood im not like this all the time
Oh really? I thought 4s were the devil incarnate because we impose our moods on other people?
How can you use your "mood" as an excuse then?