You sound exhausting, but that's not really an anecdote.
:yim_rolling_on_the_:
That actually did me make LOL.
And [MENTION=9016]mrcockburn[/MENTION]...oh dear lord are you thinking you are EXFP now??
I lived with an ISTJ. A good friend. It was fucking awful. A very timid INFP was our 3rd roommate. Awful combination.
The reason it was awful was it came down to she did NOT want to live with other people and didn't know how to compromise or be realistic. She had unreasonable expectations, for instance, she decided how much rent we should pay regardless of the size of the rooms or the overall rent of the house. If she wasn't such a good friend to begin with things would have gotten very ugly much quicker. The INFP roommate added fuel because she never complained openly to the ISTJ and defacto went along with everything even when she was unhappy.
With all the roommate situations that have gone south, regardless of type, I would say communication was the biggest factor. You have to speak up as soon as something bothers you.
The positive with your ISTJ is *he* already does this. And at least in this thread he sounds reasonable? What you need to do is not take his complaints as orders or indicative of larger issues and just tell him on the spot things like "okay, I missed the Cheerio, is it really that big of a deal in the scheme of things? Do you think I'm a messy person? etc"
If consistent issues pop up, address them and compromise. For instance, if you feel he is constantly nagging you about kitchen chores, decide who will do what exactly and how often. Also, it may be because I'm older but some habits you just have to admit here and now are not going to change. Putting the cap back on toothpaste, hitting the snooze button repeatedly, etc. You can't change every habit sometimes to suit your partner, so it's better to air it all out and decide what you both can agree to live with. Basically pick and choose -together- your battles and their outcome.
The downfall of my INFP roommate is she was so timid she ended up being a doormat, which is unfortunate because I think she's a nice person. But she had this terrible habit of NEVER confronting something head on and the subsequent roommates took total advantage of her. Strangely, I do not think you will have this problem MrCockburn. :Thelook:
So basically in my experience I was too nice and not confrontational enough with my ISTJ roommate. At one point at a 'house meeting' I got so pissed off at what she had just said (another ridiculous demand) that I couldn't lift my head up to look at her because I knew I was about to go off.
For you, I'd encourage you to confront your ISTJ as soon as he says something that you take issue with or need clarification on. The demands and orders you interpret might just be him, you know, being him. Like he said he thinks thing are going well and just 'nags at people'. Each comment is not necessarily significant or has the same significance you think he intends.
Basically what you said about your ENFJ friend tell him that. Work it out. Can he live with the ENFJ coming over just 1x a week? Can you tell the ENFJ that your ISTJ is busy on that night so to basically not interact with him?